- It was really hard to teach my little kids to do chores like cooking or cleaning up.
- But I’m glad they learned young because now that they’re teens, they can take care of themselves.
- Now, I also have more freedom, and so do they.
My husband and I went out to dinner last weekend, and as I was getting ready I realized I made no plans for my teens to eat. As we were headed out the door, I yelled, “We’re leaving! Find something in the fridge to make for dinner!”
And they did.
It’s a huge jump from when I had four little kids running around the house, and it felt like I didn’t sit down once during the day. There was constant laundry to be washed and folded, meals to be made, and messes to be cleaned up. My husband and I were the ones doing all those things all the time for six people.
Similarly, last month, the family went on a ski trip together here in Colorado. Everyone got sick of hearing me say, “This is so easy now!” But it was. In past years, my husband and I had to pack food, normal clothes, winter clothes, and other gear for all of us to head to the mountains. We were tired before we even hit the road.
This year, I told the family we were leaving at 2 p.m., and everyone was just … ready, packed, and in the car. No one even forgot a jacket.
It took years to teach them everything, but now my teens can take care of themselves.
It can be hard to teach little kids how to cook and clean
Of course, we didn’t wake up one day with the kids knowing how to do all these things. It’s been years of practicing, starting with small tasks and expecting them to do more over time.
That teaching doesn’t always come easily or naturally, either. It’s hard to make time to teach kids to do things. Cooking takes longer. The bathroom doesn’t get as clean at first. Clothes aren’t folded very neatly.
I think a lot of kids who grow up not knowing how to cook or do laundry aren’t coddled by parents who insist on doing everything for their precious babies. We’re all just so busy. When you get home from work and sports and after-school care at 6 p.m., everyone wants to eat dinner. You can’t spend an extra half an hour teaching hangry kids how to chop a cucumber. If the bathroom has reached toxic levels, it’s faster to clean it myself, and I know it will be done the way I want it.
I didn’t enjoy having to show younger children how to do everything, especially when I knew I’d be faster. And, of course, sometimes the kids just didn’t want to do these things.
But learning these skills gave my kids confidence — and gave me confidence that they’d be able to take care of themselves in the future.
All of the tasks I taught them were something the kids had to practice and improve on. Each time they packed their bags for a trip, they got better at it.
All that effort paid off, and I now have less to do
Over winter break a few years ago, I told my middle schooler he had to make dinner. I took him to the grocery store and let him loose to get his ingredients while I sat in the café and read a book. When we got home, he made a delicious dinner. I think I cried.
My other son has made some awesome breakfasts for us while we were camping — much more elaborate than I would have cooked. I don’t double-check anyone’s packing for trips anymore. On Thanksgiving, every person in the family makes a dish, so no one has to do all the cooking. When my oldest went to college, he taught a few friends how to do their laundry at the beginning of the school year.
Teaching the kids to do things for themselves has not only given my husband and me more freedom, but it has also given the kids freedom.
If they want a certain shirt clean, they don’t have to wait for me. If they don’t like what’s for dinner, they can make their own.
I’m not going to pretend that we don’t all still squabble over chores. Just because my family can do these tasks doesn’t mean everyone in this house does them when I want. But I feel pretty confident that as they venture out into the world in the next few years, they’ll be able to fend for themselves.
I just hope they come back to visit and cook for me sometimes.
