I Should Be an Empty Nester, but My 22-Year-Old Moved Back Home

In August, I dropped off my youngest child for her freshman year of college. After a busy morning of settling her into her dorm room, we paused for lunch at the nearest cafeteria. That’s when we ran into an old friend whose daughter was also moving on campus.

“You’re an empty nester now!” she commented, smiling.

I was quick to correct her. Our oldest child, who graduated with his bachelor’s degree this spring, has returned to our nest. He’s what they call a “boomerang child” at 22.

It was only a few months earlier that we helped him move back home. My husband and I went from the high of celebrating his college graduation to the reality of welcoming him into our house once again. We donated the double bed he slept on as a child to make way for the queen-size bed he brought home from his off-campus apartment.

Since he moved home, my husband and I have learned that we are in good company with our “boomerang child.”

He moved home because of his low-paying job

Indeed, finances are the main reason for our son’s return. We were thrilled when he got a job in his field — the hospitality business — within two weeks of graduation. A premier hotel hired him for an entry-level position.

Yet, we knew he could not afford to live on his own on his salary because of our area’s high cost of living. I’m sure he could have found a roommate or lived further away from his job and commuted, but those scenarios seemed impractical when he could stay with us and put most of his paycheck away.

He’s now saving money for the future, even as he pays for some of his living expenses to chip in. He asked us for our advice before he opened a Roth IRA recently, and I observed him navigate how to start the retirement plan offered by his employer.

He has a serious girlfriend, too, who is in graduate school a few hours away. He jokes that while she is pursuing an advanced degree, he is pursuing a fatter wallet. Both of them are looking toward a future together sometime soon.

I’m sure this arrangement isn’t easy for him

There are downsides to our living arrangement, though. I believe my son is bored living with us. How could he not miss the camaraderie that came from living with his friends for the past two years? Or the freedom to come and go as he pleases?

Now, when he changes his plans at the last minute (for example, grabbing takeout on a whim instead of coming home and eating dinner with us), he risks our irritation.

My husband and I also recall the stigma that surrounded young adults living with their parents when we graduated from college in the 90s. We fear our son may be judged as unsuccessful or immature for living at home. Or that living with us could somehow impede his long-term independence.

We are making it work as a family

Nonetheless, we have found an unexpected benefit of having a “boomerang child.” We are enjoying this bonus time with him before he fully launches into the world. My husband has his buddy back to watch sports (and I don’t have to pretend to watch anymore). I chat with my son over lunch on the days I work from home and he’s working the late shift.

Plus, having my adult son in the house makes my daughter’s absence while she is away at college just a bit more bearable.

I have adjusted to having my adult son home again. He’s 22 years old, saving money and planning for the future, and he’s got plenty of time to live on his own.

However long he’s living with us in this phase of life seems more of a bonus and a blessing than a burden.