- I’m a mom of two kids under the age of 4.
- I rely on my kids’ boomer grandparents when I need childcare.
- They don’t always understand the way I parent, but they try hard.
I’m a mom of a 4-year-old and a 7-month-old who attend day care while my husband and I work full-time. Boomer grandparents get a lot of grief for being unempathetic and aloof, but that’s not the case for my family. My children’s boomer grandparents are my childcare secret weapon and I couldn’t be a working parent without their help.
I’m not the only one, either; I see our school’s office administrators helping grandparents navigate the attendance system at least once a week. I’ve even become friendly with some of the grandparents I see regularly at pick-up. For some millennials, grandparents are an important part of our family ecosystem.
We heavily considered their proximity to us when choosing a home
When choosing our first home, it was important to us to have easy access to my mom and my in-laws, who are less than 30 minutes away, to ensure that our children could see their grandparents frequently. Both sets of parents are in their mid to late 70s; I had my first child at 36 and my second at 40, so their time together is precious.
When my youngest first attended day care, she only went three days a week. My mom and in-laws surprised me by offering to watch her the other two days so I could work full-time without paying for full-time care. I’m sure they would have offered even if they lived further away, having them relatively close has made a huge difference.
While they might not understand our new parenting systems, they try hard
I’m grateful that neither my in-laws nor my mom have ever questioned modern millennial parenting values and concepts. I’m sure they are internally rolling their eyes at me when I talk about sleep hygiene, bottle schedules, and gentle parenting. But they genuinely try to stick to my schedules and notes.
I’ve found that my part of this relationship is letting things go that aren’t make-or-break; my child will be OK if someone forgets to put them in a sleep sack for a nap or if my mom makes a bottle by hand instead of using our fancy formula machine.
Thankfully, none of them has ever given me long diatribes about how they did things when we were babies. This mutual respect is what keeps our relationship healthy, and I’m grateful that they’re open to learning the ways we think are best for our children at this point in time, no matter how ridiculous they might seem to them.
I’ve learned to pick my battles
As a first-time mom suffering from postpartum anxiety, I would internally flip out, watching them feed my toddler things riddled with added sugar and salt. It’s been four years since I had my first child and their first grandchild. I’ve now realized their time together is more important than the details. While I would prefer that my preschooler not get diet tea sweetened with stevia, her tea party is much more important than what’s in her cup.
They are there when we need them most
Now that both of my children are in full-time care, my mom and in-laws regularly pick them up from school to help me with scheduling issues or to give us a break from the grueling job of parenting. It can be frustrating when both sets are unavailable for holidays or sick days because they are almost always available and eager to help. These are the moments I have to catch myself and acknowledge how lucky I am to have two sets of grandparents at the ready.
