- I was tired of dating immature men who lived as if they were still in a fraternity.
- I decided to go on a date with a sugar daddy because I wanted to feel appreciated.
- I earned $250 on the date and appreciated his maturity and interest in me.
Editor’s Note: Business Insider verified the author’s identity. She asked her last name to be removed for employment reasons.
I didn’t have the best luck dating as a teenager and young adult. By 30 years old, I had never been in a long-term committed relationship with a man. For most of my life, I blamed myself.
I was heavier and very outgoing. I convinced myself that was a lethal combination, making me undesirable. I was far from the delicate, demure females in movies that were getting swept off their feet.
When I was 25, I lost 80 pounds. After that, I found my dating pool massively expanded. As I continued to get older, my confidence and loud, outgoing demeanor weren’t a pitfall but a strength that attracted more men.
So, when I moved to Denver shortly after that, I started putting myself out there in the dating world.
Dating men my age wasn’t what I thought it would be
Dating in Denver wasn’t going so well. I put a ton of effort into the date, from getting ready to asking questions and keeping the conversation going.
Most of the time, the men I met in their late 20s and early 30s showed up in ripped T-shirts and baseball hats. They spent most of the meal telling me about themselves rather than asking a single question. Their homes looked like frat houses: three roommates, clothes strewn on the floor, and no bed frames.
I was looking for romance, elegant meals, and intentionality. I have never been a traditionalist, but I was starting to see the appeal of being truly courted by a man — as I had never had that before.
I started to consider dating an older man
I was on a work trip and snuck away to eat with local friends. The girls I was with started snapping pics of themselves with their wine in hand, seductively smiling for their virtual admirers.
I asked them what they were doing, and they said that they had an older “friend” who owned a hedge fund and sometimes gave them money for photos. Just then, a $50 Venmo hit the girl’s phone. My jaw dropped. In the course of one meal, these girls racked up $150, sending completely average photos to a man who apparently liked the idea of taking care of women.
I’m very fortunate to make great money. I have no need for a secondary income stream and no need to sell myself for a man’s pleasure. But I wasn’t seeing male pleasure at that table. I saw female empowerment, and I was more than a little intrigued. The idea that I could use my beauty and power to get anything I wanted from men was something I never dreamed I could do.
I went home and immediately explored the internet until I found Sugardaddy.com. On this website, older men and younger women agree to relationship terms that suit both parties, typically exchanging some form of quality time for money.
As I dug in, I saw plenty of seedy characters. Still, I had a few conversations with men who seemed kind and just wanted companionship.
I chose a suitor and took a gamble: I suggested a date at The Wolf’s Tailor, a Michelin-star restaurant in Denver with a chef’s tasting menu. The cost was $185 per person before drinks. He agreed without even hesitating at the expense.
I loved the date before it even began
I felt classy and more feminine, selecting a tight-fitting dress with clear chunky heels that gave me an extra swagger when I sauntered out of the house.
The restaurant was equally stunning — every detail was elegant and intentional. He was already waiting for me in a nice suit and tie with his hair slicked back at the table.
Sure, he was in his late 60s and not someone I would usually go for, but I immediately felt respected and appreciated his effort.
We hugged hello and spoke for the next three hours over nine food and specialty cocktails courses. We talked about a business he had started and sold, his previous marriage, and my travels. The conversation was deep and engaging.
At the end of the meal, we parted ways with another hug and a quick Zelle exchange that left me $250 richer.
I walked away feeling sexy and powerful
Sure, making $250 on top of having a gourmet meal for free was nice. But the real prize was spending time with a man who was seemingly sure of himself, put time and effort into his appearance, and perhaps understood the value of the person on the other side of the table.
Long-term, I don’t think sugar-daddy dating will be something I continue to explore, but that experience showed me what I really wanted from dating. I want to feel feminine, sexy, and deeply appreciated.
And I want to throw on my fancy heels every now and again — with my suitor wearing a suit and tie to match.
