I Booked a Solo Vacation Without My Kids, and I Felt Guilty

Like many mothers, I often feel as though my family couldn’t survive without me.

I have four children who rely on me to make sure there is milk in the refrigerator, to get dinner on the table, and to shuttle them to and from soccer practice.

I love my family dearly, but the pressure to manage so many people’s busy lives and ensure their well-being day after day is draining.

I often have very little energy left at the end of the day to care for myself, and it was taking a toll on my entire family. I decided to do something about it.

I felt depleted and longed for a break

Between caregiving responsibilities, work demands, and several very stressful family situations that occurred over a short period, I felt depleted. I started snapping at my children and husband more than I care to admit. I felt as though my life had become an endless series of dealing with the next crisis and meeting the next deadline. I stopped enjoying my family and felt as though I had slipped into an administrative role of providing rides and scheduling playdates.

I desperately needed a break, but I couldn’t find the time, space, or energy to engage in the self-care everyone told me would help.

I started to think that the only way to decompress and regroup was to get away for a few days. Yet, I couldn’t imagine leaving my family, and I was concerned about putting extra pressure on my husband, who also has a lot on his plate.

I booked a long weekend away, but I felt guilty

After realizing something had to change, I decided to go away for a long weekend to reset. I wanted to go to a place where I would have nothing to do except reflect and relax, free from the worry that someone might need me at any second.

I chose to go to Grenada, a laid-back island in the Caribbean, where I could escape the cold and indulge in hiking and chocolate, two of my favorite things.

However, after I booked my flights, an overwhelming sense of guilt washed over me. How would my family function without me?

I imagined my children running feral around the house, surviving on uncooked pasta and forgetting to brush their teeth for days on end. I panicked and almost canceled my trip, but friends who walked this path before me encouraged me to get on the plane. My family would survive, they assured me. My children might not even miss me, they said. Even if my kids ate nothing but frozen pizza for a week, they would live, I was told.

I spent my time away getting a much-needed reset

I spent a glorious few days walking in the woods, sitting in silence by waterfalls, and putting my toes in the sand.

I felt my mind slow down, and eventually, I realized I no longer felt on edge all day.

I checked in with my family and, of course, they were doing fine without me. They may not have eaten as many fruits and veggies as I would have liked, but they were more than OK without me for a few days. Once I realized that my family wouldn’t fall apart in my absence, I was able to fully relax and soak up the small, beautiful island.

I arrived back home with a clear head and a lot more patience

I felt like a new person even though I had only been gone a few days. My family was happy to see me, and I was ecstatic to see them. I was calmer and clear-headed.

Even weeks later, I had more patience and was more present. I felt better equipped to handle the next stressful situation when it came along. Spending time away from my family helped me appreciate the time I spend with them more.

I know I can’t often leave my family behind, or for very long, and I wouldn’t want to. However, I am glad that I made myself a priority and got a much-needed break to focus on my own mental health and well-being.

Since returning from Grenada, I’ve been more mindful of when I feel like I am reaching my limit and carving out time for myself. I think my entire family is better off for it.