As my kids have grown up, I’ve tried to come to terms with the slow loss of them to the world.
While this is the natural order of parenting, it’s still hard to accept. They’ve moved forward, and I’ve mourned the loss of our time together. Evenings once spent watching shows or talking have become rare. They spend more time with friends than with me, and I’ve wondered how to remain a relevant part of their lives.
One of the best ways I’ve managed to maintain my connection with my kids as they’ve moved into middle school, high school, and college is by adjusting my own interests.
I care about staying connected with my 4 kids
Whether it’s allowing my high school daughter to take over the car radio or television or letting my middle school son pick an activity, I’ve had to be flexible and broaden my thinking. It’s opened me up to new music and genres. My youngest daughter’s obsession with Zach Bryan and Noah Kahan has become my own. I’ve learned every song, and we’ve started talking about going to her first concert at some point this year. Moments spent singing lyrics we’ve learned together on the morning rides to school have become a treasure.
I’m also well-versed in the vocabulary and trends of younger generations. I understand all the lingo from “huz” to “mid.” I’ve even managed to work it into my own conversations. While I don’t care about being cool, I do care about remaining connected to the four humans I brought into the world. Understanding how they talk and think helps. It also lets them know how invested I am in what’s important and relevant to them.
I get to learn along with them
Adopting their interests has let me discover hobbies — both new and old. When they were younger, I’d let many personal interests slip, even giving up reading for fun. There was no time or space for my own interests. Now, I’m glad to have that back. It’s a perk of their growing independence.
My other kids have also developed some really cool hobbies and interests. My 12-year-old son has developed an interest in space. With hopes of becoming an astronomer one day, we have borrowed our library’s telescope. I am learning to use it with him and also how to track down stars and planets. This past summer, it was an amazing way for us to bond and stay connected. We took pictures of the moon through the telescope and shared interesting articles about exoplanets and other interesting space lore.
My eldest daughter, who just turned 19, has cultivated her growing interest in true crime for most of her teen years. It may be due in part to having watched every episode of “Criminal Minds” together as she made her way through high school. True crime books lined her bookshelf. Now she is studying criminal justice in her second year of college with the hope of transferring to Arizona State to study forensic psychology.
This was once a dream of mine. While I never pursued it, I am now studying it alongside her, watching documentaries, reading, and exploring crimes she is learning about. I’ve also begun listening to true crime podcasts, which was always difficult for me as a visual learner with less-than-stellar auditory skills. This has become a favorite part of getting back into working out.
My renewed interest in working out has also helped me forge a deep connection with my youngest daughter, a freshman in high school. She has taken an interest in tennis and continues to remain interested in competitive cheerleading and fitness. Our shared interest has led to a new project. We are working on building a gym in the basement. We spend time searching our local Buy Nothing Facebook group to find things to add. We recently found a stationary bike and hope to find a treadmill. Working out in our home gym has an added benefit; it will help us make it through the long, cold New England winter.
Whether it’s working out at home, marveling at the night sky, or watching a true crime documentary, learning alongside my kids has been an unforgettable experience. It has allowed me to connect and grow with them, even as they grow up and away. My world has expanded just as their world has. I’m so grateful to be able to share their hobbies and interests. Instead of losing them, I’ve connected with them in a deeper and more meaningful way.
