When I was pregnant with my son in 2023, I read all about postpartum depression. I thought that if I were prepared, it wouldn’t happen to me. However, it’s not that easy, and after my son was born, I fell into the thralls of postpartum depression and anxiety. When I began to struggle with leaving the house in fear that something would happen to us, I knew my mental health was out of my control.
I started therapy and medication after having a panic attack
A year and a half after my son was born, I thought I was having a heart attack. After being admitted into the hospital, we found out that, physically, I was fine, but suffering from a severe panic attack.
After asking me a whole host of questions, the ER doctor set me up with a therapist as well as a plan. The best thing he did for me was to assure me that what I was feeling was normal and wasn’t my fault. It was time to finally get the help I needed. I ended up starting medication the next day and therapy the following week.
I also started trying new experiences, including Pilates
My husband also thought it would be a great idea for me to try one new thing a month. Even though it was hard at first, I eventually began to cherish these new experiences. They gave me a chance to build confidence in myself, learn to trust others with our son, and I also made new friends.
While I was pregnant, a Pilates studio opened in our town. I looked up Pilates on social media, and thought everyone looked so calm and strong, which was exactly what I wanted to be. It was the first thing I tried when I started giving myself these new experiences.
Courtesy of Autumn Gavora
That first class, I was a nervous ball of energy, so consumed by guilt for taking time for myself that I almost left. But I made it through, and Pilates ended up being the gateway to me trying other things. I fell in love with it and cherish the hour the class gives me to shut everything else out. I now go four to five times a week, and in the six months I’ve been going, I’ve become physically stronger, and it has also helped me calm my thoughts.
My husband and I went on our first date in almost two years
My husband and I hadn’t been on a date for almost two years; I was too nervous to leave our boy with anyone. I stepped way out of my comfort zone, and I signed us up for a food experience at Trilith Guesthouse. We sat right in front of the chef while enjoying a six-course meal paired with different whiskeys.
Courtesy of Autumn Gavora
It helped me see the importance of spending time with your partner after having a child. In fact, the date night was one of my favorite experiences I’ve had since I started trying new things. It helped us reconnect, and it also gave me a chance to feel pretty again. Dressing up made me realize how heavily the way you see yourself can weigh on your mental health. The days I put more effort into getting ready, I’ve felt much better than the days I don’t.
Another one of my favorite things I’ve done is take a pasta class. I love cooking and have always wanted to learn how to make it. A local family-owned Italian restaurant hosts classes, and my husband signed me up. I spent three hours learning how to make pasta from scratch, and I got to bring home fresh ravioli!
Making friends has been an unexpected benefit
These experiences have helped me build confidence, and I’ve also made new friends who accept me for the struggles I’ve gone through. I met two people at a book signing event who have become two of my favorite people to talk to and go to brunch with. I’ve made friends at my Pilates studio, the ballet class I tried, and a local book club I joined. Putting yourself out there is hard, but knowing you aren’t alone is worth it.
I realized that while trying so hard to protect myself and my son, I was hurting us both. I needed help, and it was hard to ask for it. I’m so thankful for my doctor, my husband, and medication. Without taking the step to try new things, I would still be stuck in my head and at home.
I’ve learned that being a mom has changed me, not just physically, but also mentally. I think many of us are so focused on being super moms that we sometimes forget we can’t be super if we don’t take care of ourselves. My journey to finding “my pink” hasn’t been linear, but it has certainly been fun.
