Living With His 81-Year-Old Grandmother Taught Tween Kindness

This story is based on a conversation with Julie Kelley, 51, a media consultant who lives in northeast Vermont.

My 10-year-old son is the most empathetic individual I know.

If one of his peers is struggling with classes or sports like soccer, he’ll make a point of helping them out. I describe him as a gentleman.

His greatest strengths are patience and compassion. I know exactly why he has those traits: his 81-year-old grandmother has lived with us for seven years.

My son doesn’t see her as being old. He regards the woman he calls Gram as an inspiration and a mentor.

My siblings and I wanted to do the best for our parents

My three older brothers and I often say that we won the parents’ lottery. They were incredibly good to us and were central to our lives all the way into adulthood.

When you have great parents like them, you want to do the best for them when they get older.

Mom and Dad followed my then-husband and me when we relocated to Atlanta for work reasons in 2017. They had a home in Vermont, but didn’t think twice about heading South the following year.

They lived in a 1,300-square-foot apartment that was an annex to our house with a separate entrance. Just as they did when they visited us in the many states where we lived — I moved around a lot because I worked in TV news — they wanted to spend every spare moment with our 3-year-old.

Their five other grandchildren were either approaching adulthood or already in their 20s. And, as much as they loved them, they doted on their youngest grandson and wanted to see him grow close by.

Mom was — and is — an integral part of our household

My boy was best buddies with his granddad, who played with him all the time. Mom used to say that he’d run right by her to jump into his arms. Tragically, Dad died in August 2018, soon after they arrived in Atlanta.

I believe that, after he passed, the ability to get through the grief was helped by the deep, multi-generational connection that my son built with his grandma when she was widowed so suddenly.

Mom stayed in the annex for the following two years and was an integral part of our household. If my son drew a picture of his family at school, she’d be front and center.

We all moved back to Vermont in 2020, partly because of COVID-19. I became a single mom last year, and Mom was there for me, quite literally, as she continued to live with me and my son.

She frequently travels to spend time with my brothers, who live in Pennsylvania, Indianapolis, and Missouri. They each have a bedroom especially for her. But whenever she is away, my fourth grader longs for her return.

The 3 of us went on an exciting road trip this summer

She’s a former history teacher, and he’s a history buff. They’ll talk about everything from dinosaurs to medieval times or stories she reads in The New York Times. Mom has always been an intellectual, and it rubs off on her grandson.

This June, the three of us went on a 10-day road trip to Montana and Wyoming, taking in Yellowstone National Park. Mom is very knowledgeable about prehistoric times and explained everything to us when we visited a dinosaur museum.

My brothers thought I was a little crazy to take her along, but it was the best multi-generational vacation you could have. Mom, who loves traveling, couldn’t participate in some of the more active elements of the trip. Still, it was a blast.

Some children feel uneasy around older people. But my son is the opposite. He knows his grandma is slowing down and does everything to help her. He’ll support her when she goes to the car and gets her walker in and out of the trunk.

It’s a delight to watch them together. I sometimes take surreptitious videos on my phone of them playing or debating something. It’s important to keep a record of their bond. Both of them know she won’t be around forever, and they want to make memories while they can.

My son exudes comfort and care

I appreciate the way she has fostered compassion and understanding in my son, mostly because he spends a significant portion of his day with her. Mom has fallen once or twice in her bedroom, and he instinctively rushed upstairs to help.

He brought ice packs from the freezer without me asking and put his stuffed animals on his bed to comfort her.

He is acutely aware of other people’s feelings, and his love and care for his grandma have shaped his personality.

Do you have a story about a multi-generational household? Please send details to Jane Ridley at jridley@insider.com