I Taught Middle School; Here’s How I Built Trust With Parents

When I was a middle school teacher, I thought the school principal was being unrealistic when he strongly encouraged all of his teachers to spend the month of September and the first weeks of October making short phone calls to their students’ homes. “Catch your students doing something good, I don’t care what it is, and call their parents and guardians to tell them about it,” he said. And no, shooting off a quick email does not count, he also said.

The goal, our principal believed, was not to wait for something to go wrong in the classroom before contacting a child’s home. Instead, when initial contact centered on something positive, it could shape the trajectory of the entire school year, and also our relationships with students and their families.

To be sure, between grading, planning, and everything else that the profession throws our way, teachers have enough to do without also having to take on what felt like an impossible task (I had nearly 100 students in any given academic year, while many of my colleagues had even more). But the principal’s request didn’t feel like an invitation — it seemed to be an expectation, especially for new teachers, like I was at the time.

I found a way to make it work

But I was determined to do well by my students, so I begrudgingly found a way to make this expectation work with my schedule. Besides, the earliest days of school are usually the toughest — the most anxiety-inducing — for children, their families, and teachers.

Students want to know that they’ll fit in and be treated well by their peers and the adults around them, and parents want to know that their children will be safe in our care. Teachers want all of these things for their students, their students’ families, and themselves. Community building is one of the most important things that a teacher can do to foster trust from the beginning.

I remember when my mother received a phone call from my second-grade teacher. We had just finished dinner when the phone rang (a house phone, back then). I watched my mom’s eyes grow bigger and bigger while she was on the phone; I had no idea that my teacher was on the other end.

When she hung up, you’d have thought we won the lottery. My teacher called to tell her and my dad how well I was doing and that she was proud of me. I was a shy kid and had no idea that my teacher thought so highly of me. My parents could not have been happier to receive that call.

Now I teach college students to do the same

As an educator, I quickly learned that it is a small thing to ask that a teacher’s first contact with a student’s home be centered on a positive experience. Now, I teach college students who are working toward licensure to become elementary and high school teachers. Making a positive phone call home early on in the school year has always been the first piece of advice that I give to my students when it comes to building relationships.

It’s been almost 20 years since I taught middle school, and I remain friends with several families whose children (now in their mid-30s) I taught as middle schoolers. Now that I am a children’s book author, they come to my book launches when I travel back home to New York City. We also do dinner together when I’m in town. I prioritize time with them with every trip home that I plan. I never imagined that centering positive contact with a child’s family — yes, even amid some of the more difficult conversations that need to be had from time to time — would lead to lifelong relationships.

We live in a very different age. Students need extra care. Gone are the days when I taught novels and literature analysis, grammar, spelling, and literary devices to spirited 12-and 13-year-olds. But the memories of our time together have stayed with me, and I realize now how my early efforts to connect with their families led, in some cases, to lasting relationships.