When my son was just a year old, our family of three packed up our lives and moved nearly 2,000 miles from our home state of Colorado to Massachusetts.
In doing so, we left behind family, life-long friends, and everything familiar to us. It was a decision driven by a vision I shared with my husband: a chance to reset, create new opportunities, and build a future on our own terms.
That was more than 13 years ago, and I’ve learned a lot since then. Our children, now two in number, have spent their lives here. Our son, who traveled here in a rear-facing infant carseat, is now a freshman in high school.
I would say we’re happy and thriving now, but it hasn’t always been easy. The emotional and practical realities of a big move in adulthood are hard to ignore.
It was really lonely at first
There are always trade-offs when you move. We were drawn to Boston for the career opportunities and the adventure of living somewhere new. My husband landed a job he was excited about, and we jumped.
Courtesy of Tracee M. Herbaugh
I was used to moving around. After college, I city-hopped a bit — San Francisco, then New York City — before ending up Denver. I’m originally from Colorado and went to undergrad there, so many of my friends moved to Denver to start their professional lives. During my 20s, I shared apartments with random roommates and generally found it easy to meet people.
Moving from Denver to the Boston area was different. Gone were the days of meeting people through a roommate’s friend or at a happy hour after running club. We had an infant in tow now, too. Many people in the Boston area seem to have their core group anyway— either family in neighboring towns or their people they met in college. We found that in middle age, no one was really looking for new friends. It seemed everyone had their people, except us.
Some say having young kids makes it easier to meet people, but that wasn’t my experience. At the park, it was often nannies, not other parents on the benches. Families we met at school often moved away soon after we connected. This was especially true during and after the pandemic when some headed to places with more family support.
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Having a young child without a support system is hard
Not having close friends or family nearby made parenting harder than we expected. There weren’t many breaks. We were missing a close network of people who could help us out when we needed someone to go to the park with or a sitter.
I think we went more than two years without a date night when we first moved here. We once tried hiring a babysitter from Care.com, but she didn’t show up the night we planned. The experience was deflating and made us feel like we were on our own. This is when I’d often wonder what if we made the wrong decision.
Courtesy of Tracee M. Herbaugh
There have been ups and downs
Over the years, my relationship with Boston has ebbed and flowed. There were times that I’ve loved it here and others when I wanted to move. I was laid off twice in two years, which really shook my confidence. But those setbacks pushed me to reinvent my career and move from a job in communications into education, where I’ve finally found a community and meaningful work.
In addition to exciting professional experiences, my family has had a chance to explore much of the East Coast. We’ve done road trips and train trips, seeing nearby places like Niagara Falls and Washington D.C., which we probably wouldn’t have visited if we still lived in Colorado.
I’ll always miss seeing my best friends from back home more regularly — but they have busy lives, too. After this experience, I do believe there is growth following struggle. It’s tempting to think the grass is greener somewhere else, but I’ve come to believe that’s often just an illusion.
