When we heard about my husband’s upcoming nine-month overseas military rotation, I started making a plan. I had two kids under 4, I was a stay-at-home mom, and I was working on a graduate degree that required overseas research.
I had recently watched two mom friends of mine struggle through these rotations — the reality of being a military spouse hits hard when you have to become two parents at once. You have to manage your kids’ emotions about Dad being gone while dealing with your own. It’s survival mode for months on end.
So, I decided that I wasn’t going to go through the same struggle. I wasn’t going to stay at home and just try to make it through each day with the kids, living in the empty house that reminded us that he was gone. I was going to create a different narrative for myself, for us.
I chose to move us to Spain. If I was going to solo parent for almost a year anyway, why not do it there and also get my research done?
The “Spain plan” was born
I found a preschool that would take both kids (for a much cheaper price than in Texas), I applied for the Non-Lucrative Visa, and I found an apartment online. I won a research travel grant. I moved our things into storage. And then, after a year and a half of preparation, in September 2024, we said goodbye and left.
Our first few weeks in Spain were difficult — getting a cell phone, Internet, bank account, and our residency cards, for example, wasn’t easy. Plus, the kids had a hard time adjusting.
They didn’t hate their new school, but they didn’t love it right away, either. There were no other English-speaking kids there, but the teachers spoke English and were very kind.
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Our first week, we went to an outdoor cafe, and the kids behaved so terribly that I took them home before we had finished, close to tears. I wondered if I had made a mistake.
I felt guilty for taking them away from everything they knew, I felt naive for expecting things to fall into place perfectly, and I felt uneasy about having time to myself again.
Amidst all the changes, I realized that transitioning from a full time stay-at-home mom to a mom with kids in preschool was a big deal for me, too.
I got some helpful advice from a friend
Courtesy of Gina Benavidez
Then, while sitting at lunch in Toledo’s beautiful Old Town on one of the first days of school, a good friend of mine told me that I deserved to have some time to myself. I deserved to just exist as a person in the world without parenting, without working, and without being productive all the time. She reminded me that I could just sit at this restaurant in beautiful Spain, knowing my children were safe and cared for, be proud of what I had done, and enjoy a moment to breathe.
And with that, I accepted my new life. A life that started to give me back my identity. I found a piece of myself again that had been lost in the years of sleep deprivation and diapers.
I was determined to be an academic and a parent, especially because I had been told by a (male) senior scholar that I would never be able to see all of my research sites that year because my plan was too ambitious.
Ultimately, we thrived in Spain
Courtesy of Gina Benavidez
I started to take care of myself again. I got a gym membership and established a running routine. I traveled for research twice a week while the kids were in school and worked from home the other days.
My kids made friends, learned Spanish, took public transportation, and developed a taste for Spanish foods.
We traveled all over the country — at first for my research, and then just for fun. I watched them play for hours on the beach, run through plazas, and wander through centuries-old palaces. We explored endlessly. My heart was so full.
When it came time to book our tickets home, I burst into tears
Courtesy of Gina Benavidez
My head knew we had to return to the States and be a family again, but my heart would miss Spain so much. It will forever be our second country, our second home.
For my kids, living in Spain was an integral part of their development, and they will always have that.
As for me? I will always be grateful to Spain for being the place that gave me back a part of myself. Hasta luego, España.
