I Had My 3 Kids Young and Am an Empty Nester at 40

When I tell people I’m an empty nester at 40, they look at me like I’ve just revealed some impossible math equation. How can someone my age already be done with active parenting when most of my peers are still knee-deep in diaper changes and preschool pickup lines?

The answer is simple: I had all three of my children by the time I was 21.

I know what you’re thinking. Teen pregnancy, unplanned parenthood, probably a struggle story about growing up too fast. And you’d be right about it all. Having kids so young was incredibly challenging. I was figuring out who I was while simultaneously trying to raise three tiny humans who needed me to have all the answers I definitely didn’t have.

But here’s what nobody tells you about being a young parent: if you can survive those early years, you end up in the most incredible sweet spot later in life.

Many of my friends are experiencing parenting stages I’ve already been through

While some of my friends are posting first-day-of-kindergarten photos and complaining about sleepless nights with newborns, others are navigating the complex world of middle school drama and teenage attitudes. Meanwhile, I’m posting pictures from weekend trips and actually sleeping through the night.

When they’re researching preschools or stressing about the drama of high school, I’m helping my kids navigate college applications and starting their own businesses. When they’re dealing with toddler tantrums or teenage mood swings, I’m having real conversations with my adult children about life, relationships, and their dreams.

Being a young parent was tough, but I wouldn’t change a thing

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not gloating. After all, those early years were rough, and I remember feeling so isolated from my peers who were out partying while I was home with babies. I missed out on a lot of typical early-20s experiences. There were moments when I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake.

But now, at 40, I can see the bigger picture. And honestly? I wouldn’t change a thing.

The energy difference alone is remarkable. While some of my friends are exhausted from chasing toddlers around playgrounds and others are stressed about teenage driving lessons and college prep, I have the physical and mental energy to pursue new interests, travel, and even consider new career paths.

I can stay out late without worrying about a babysitter or curfew negotiations. I can take spontaneous weekend trips. I can focus on doing the things I love without constantly being interrupted by little voices asking for snacks or teenage drama demanding immediate attention.

More importantly, I get to watch my children become adults while I’m still young enough to really enjoy it. My youngest is 20 now, and our relationship has evolved into something I never expected — we’re genuinely friends. We text each other funny memes, grab dinner together, and he actually asks for my advice (and sometimes even takes it).

There’s something magical about being able to guide your adult children through their early career decisions, relationship challenges, and life transitions while you’re still figuring out your own next chapter. We’re growing and evolving together, just in different ways than when they were little.

And here’s something that might sound controversial: I could still have another baby if I wanted to. At 40, I’m not too old. I’m healthy, energetic, and financially stable in ways I never was in my 20s. The difference is that now it would be a choice, not an accident. There’s something empowering about that.

I’ve also discovered that my experience as a young parent gives me a unique perspective that other parents find valuable. I can offer advice to friends who are struggling with toddlers because I remember those days vividly, but I can also share insights about what really matters in the long run because I’ve already seen my kids grow up.

The truth is, there’s no perfect time to have children. Every path has its challenges and its rewards. But if you’re a young parent reading this and feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And that light? It’s pretty spectacular.

So while my friends are just beginning their parenting journeys, I’m entering a new phase of life with wisdom, energy, and freedom that I never could have imagined when I was 21 and overwhelmed.

It really is the sweetest spot to be in.