I’ve done a lot of things right while parenting my kids, but I’ve also made plenty of mistakes. My “babies” are 17 and 15 now, and my greatest parenting achievement just might be that I’ve always been open with them about my mess-ups.
Yelling when I shouldn’t have, looking at my phone too much, taking their dad (my husband) for granted — these things all make the list. No parent is perfect, and over the years, I’ve apologized when necessary and made lots of changes to my parenting style. Still, if there’s one regret I still have and one thing I’m glad I course-corrected in my parenting journey, it’s my relationship with alcohol.
When my kids were young, alcohol was my default way to handle stress
Courtesy of Terri Peters
I started drinking in high school and maintained a pretty run-of-the-mill relationship with alcohol throughout college and my 20s. At 28 (and again at 30), I had a baby, and, like so many moms, I turned to my nightly glass (or bottle) of wine to cope with the stress of having two little ones.
Surrounded by messages like “rosé all day” and “mommy needs wine,” I felt like I was part of a special club that knew the secret to relaxing after a long day of parenting. By the time my kids neared middle school, every part of parenthood felt tied to alcohol, from making sure there was a cooler of beers for the parents at my kids’ birthday parties to taking ride shares to “moms’ night out” activities because we knew we’d all be drinking.
Becoming sober is the best thing I’ve done for my parenting
Courtesy of Terri Peters
I was sober-curious long before I stopped drinking completely. I knew alcohol was creating problems in my life, like strained friendships, increased anxiety, and spending too much on tipsy, late-night, online shopping splurges. After years of reading quit-lit, listening to sobriety podcasts, and analyzing my relationships with alcohol with friends, I woke up one morning (with a hangover) and decided to stop drinking completely.
It’s been nearly 600 days since I’ve had a drink, and I’ve never looked back. Alcohol disgusts me now, and thoughts of my drinking days fill me with shame. There are plenty of reasons I’ll never drink again — one of the biggest being my kids.
Sobriety has allowed me to be more present for my kids
Courtesy of Terri Peters
Since I quit drinking, my daughter went through a tough break-up, and my son was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. There were thousands of smaller moments where my kids needed me to be of sound mind to offer them advice: whether to quit a part-time job, how to handle a disappointing theater audition, and what to say to a close friend during an argument. I’m so glad I was fully present without a wine buzz, so they could trust and confide in me.
There have been happy moments, too, that I’ll always be grateful I was sober to experience. We’ve traveled, celebrated holidays, and made beautiful memories together that I’ll remember so much more clearly. Like all of my parenting mess-ups, I’ve spoken candidly with my teens about my choice to live an alcohol-free lifestyle, sharing everything from cautionary, embarrassing drinking stories to insights from my therapy sessions, and how much more manageable things like anxiety and depression feel.
My teenagers telling me they’re proud makes it all worth it
[Photo: 4 diet coke]
An unexpected perk? My teenagers are incredibly proud of me — I know, because they tell me. Often. And it’s something I never tire of hearing. Not only are they proud, but they’ve told me they’re also taking notes on how sobriety has led to my improving my physical and mental health and forging deeper, more intentional friendships.
My sobriety is allowing me to model to my teenagers that alcohol isn’t a necessity to have fun, be social, or make friends. They’re seeing in me an example of what it’s like to do hard things and not only succeed, but thrive. Most of all, my kids are seeing that mommy doesn’t need to drink just because they exist, a message the media sends kids that sends shivers up and down my spine. Because I choose not to drink, my kids see that stress and tough times are normal parts of life, and that the best way to handle them is to be present and work through them, not numb out with a drink.
