My Second Grader Struggled With Grief; His School Supported Him

My mom’s passing was completely unexpected. After having beaten breast cancer twice, almost 20 years prior, our family was convinced that her days of suffering were behind her and that she had a long life ahead.

That dream shattered in July 2023 when she received a diagnosis of esophageal cancer the same week as her only grandchild’s 7^th birthday.

She was very close to my son

My mom was my best friend. She had a close relationship with all her kids — my older brother, sister, and me. It was no surprise when she formed the same bond with my son.

From the moment he was born, he was her pride and joy. She even asked the doctor if she could hold him before I had the chance to hold him myself. As the baby of the family, I was perfectly fine with passing the torch to my kid, and I could only hope our relationship would be as loving and supportive as the one I shared with my mom.

I spent that summer by my mom’s side. Before my son came back from being away for the break, I educated him about cancer and how some people with this disease may die from it and explained that his nana might look a little different to him when he saw her again. When they reunited, he said he saw no difference in his nana’s appearance and that she looked as pretty as she always did.

His school was so understanding

August arrived, and school began. I was supposed to serve a second year as the Family Ambassador of my son’s school, but due to my mother’s condition, I had to decline and notify his principal. She was incredibly understanding and told me she would be praying for us. During pickups, she often asked how my mom was doing and offered well wishes.

I also informed my son’s second-grade teacher about our situation. She, too, was sympathetic and offered to help in any way possible.

September was a blur of hospital visits as my mother’s health declined. The trips were long, an hour and a half each way. Eventually, she was admitted to the ICU and placed on a ventilator. In the first week of October, the same week that she lost her mother to cancer 25 years prior, my mom died, surrounded by family.

We all took the loss very hard, as expected. It was especially difficult for my son, as this was his first experience with a close loss. I decided to take him out of school for the week to focus on making funeral arrangements and spending time with family.

His principal reached out immediately to offer her condolences. She reassured me that she would support my son but also extended that support to me, offering comfort during such a difficult time. Her kindness was a source of strength and brought much-needed solace.

His teacher gave him space to grieve

When he returned to school, my son’s teacher checked in with me regularly. He openly expressed missing his grandma, and on many days, she gave him the space to process his emotions, allowing him quiet time on a beanbag chair in a corner of the classroom.

I remember one parent-teacher call in which she shared updates on his progress. The news she gave about his resilience and persistence, despite his grief, moved me to tears. I will forever be grateful for her compassion and for giving me the space to cry on the phone with her. She shared her own experiences, assuring me I wasn’t alone and that she would continue to monitor my son and help as needed.

It’s been almost a year and a half since we lost my mom, and I now have a third grader. There are more happy days than sad ones, but the waves of grief still crash over us sometimes. We’ve received the same understanding from his third-grade teacher, who keeps me updated when my son expresses his grief. On the harder days, she takes the notes I write for his lunchbox and tapes them to his desk, ensuring he knows he always has my love and support.

Grief is tough. Parenting while grieving is even harder. But the burden feels a little lighter knowing that when my son goes to school, he’s surrounded by these amazing women who genuinely and deeply care for him.