This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with a mom of two in South Carolina. She asked to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of her children and parents. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When I was an infant, I had a bad reaction to a vaccine. My mom couldn’t wake me up for an entire day — at least, that’s how she remembers it.
That was in the early 90s, and my parents were living at the intersection of conservative Christianity and crunchy parenting. They were surrounded by people who didn’t vaccinate, and my reaction scared my mom. I’m the oldest of eight, and after that, none of us got vaccines. My parents fell deeper into anti-vax misinformation.
Vaccines were always a topic of conversation around me growing up. As a teen, I read a book by Jenny McCarthy in which she said she believes her son’s autism was caused by the measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) vaccine — a theory that numerous scientific studies have debunked.
Despite that, I was never one of those people who makes being anti-vax their whole personality. I was somewhat open to vaccines—which is more common than stereotypes about anti-vaxxers would have you think. In my early 20s, I got a few vaccines before a trip to South America. I was concerned about getting sick there and thought vaccines could help protect me against pathogens like those that cause tetanus and diphtheria. I felt my adult body could handle a few vaccines.
The pandemic solidified my willingness to vaccinate
My husband had a similar upbringing. When our son was born 9 years ago, I started reading books and research about vaccines. I could see value in some of them, but I had a lot of questions and still wasn’t comfortable vaccinating. But my son’s pediatrician didn’t seem to be interested in answering my questions about vaccines. I’m not sure if he didn’t have the time, the knowledge, or the willingness to engage in the conversation.
The next two years were stressful for our family. It was a time of change, including the death of my mother-in-law while I was pregnant with my second child. I started questioning my parenting beliefs further, and critically evaluating how I’d been raised — including what I’d been taught about vaccines.
Immediately after that, the pandemic started. The COVID vaccine rollout a year later solidified my belief in vaccines. My husband works in a hospital, and I saw the immediate benefit vaccines had. Later, seeing how quickly the government paused the rollout of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine due to rare side effects was reassuring — I felt there really was accountability for vaccine safety. My husband and I started discussing vaccinating the kids.
I want other vaccine-hesitant parents to see my story
Getting the kids up-to-date with vaccines is a long process. It’s still hard for me and them. Luckily, our new pediatrician is a great resource for creating a plan that works for us. They’re behind a typical vaccine schedule, but we recently got their MMR vaccines, in part because of measles outbreaks in the US.
Even though I knew it was the right choice, it was hard for me. I was proud that I overcame this challenging belief I used to have. But I also want parents like me to see it is OK to change their minds.
Changing minds takes respect and time
One thing that felt very disingenuous to me in the past was when people advocating for vaccination said vaccines have no risk. Everything in life has risks, and it’s important to acknowledge that. Today, I know the risk from vaccines is extremely minimal and comes with a huge reward. I put it in perspective by thinking about how driving is a much bigger risk and one I take every day.
I was a good mom when I wasn’t vaccinating my kids, and I’m a good mom now. Any conversation about vaccines should start with that in mind. Get curious about a person’s reasons for not vaccinating. Don’t blame, judge, or try to change their minds — just ask about their beliefs. Maybe they’ll ask about yours, too.
Don’t expect immediate change. For me, this took years, and it’s still difficult. But you never know when a piece of your conversation might stick with someone and open them to more honest, nonjudgmental conversations about vaccination.
