- Simon Banks, 52, met his future wife in a nightclub, and they prioritized adventure over a wedding.
- The couple saved up money for years before quitting their jobs and traveling together.
- They felt there was more of a deadline on having kids than on getting married.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Simon Banks. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I first saw my future wife, Sally, when she was out with her friends in a Sydney nightclub and having fun by dancing on a podium. She was 30 at the time, and I was 27.
She fell off the podium and onto a friend I was there with. Profuse apologies followed. Luckily my friend saw the funny side, and the two women struck up a friendship. A few weeks later, my friend saw Sally in another nightclub and introduced her to me. We began dating shortly after that.
From the start we shared the same priority: adventure first, everything else second. Kids were very much at the latter end of that deal. They didn’t even come up in our earlier conversations. We certainly weren’t averse to having children, but we had other priorities back then. We wanted to see the world.
We saved up for years and then traveled together
My wife is English, and I’m Australian. As she was living away from home, I already knew she had a taste for travel. We decided to work really hard for six years, save up, then leave our jobs so we could properly travel.
We bought a camper van and traveled around Europe and Morocco for seven months. Then, we headed to Central and Southern America in a camper van for another seven months. Mexico was my favorite place we visited. We spent a couple of months there.
There was no drama at all on our travels — I loved traveling with her. We already knew each other quite well when we set off, so that helped.
After traveling around, we stayed in England for about five months, as my wife hadn’t been back there in six years. Then, we returned to the warmer climate of Australia. My wife went back to being a florist; I started working at the Museum of Contemporary Art.
One of the reasons we hadn’t gotten married was because all our money went into our travels. It still wasn’t high on our radar when we returned to our more normal lives, living and working in Australia.
I guess we were also partially influenced by those around us. None of Sally’s brothers or sisters who were in relationships were married, and there wasn’t any other peer pressure or encouragement. To be honest, marriage seemed a little old-fashioned for us. That said, it was probably higher on my radar than my wife’s. That’s why I eventually proposed. It was a very romantic setting, and I went down on one knee on a gondolier in Venice — the full works.
It took a while before we got around to organizing anything, though. A wedding just seemed like too much to arrange, especially with all of Sally’s family back in the UK and all mine in Australia.
We had kids before we got married
We went on a big backpacking trip, and at the end of it, my wife was 36, and I was 34, so we started to discuss aging and what came next — and kids came into the discussion. I remember saying we’re approaching the age at which we need to get that happening.
I do think my Christian mom would’ve quite liked us to have gotten married before we started having children. I joke that I couldn’t convince her that three children were an immaculate conception. It was never a problem or a drama with her, though — she never pressured us to do things differently.
We were engaged for seven years and had three kids during that time. My wife was 42, and I was 39 when we had our third kid. Six months later, Sally’s family visited us from the UK. It felt like the stars aligned. I said, “Why not — and we may never get another chance with everyone together?” And so the wedding planning began.
In the end, it was more like a party for 100 people, with us saying our vows. It did, however, feel very special to include all our children, especially our eldest, who was 4. He was the ring bearer and also played the bongos as the ceremony started. My middle child rode on my shoulders as we walked down the aisle. I feel so proud they were there. The photos are amazing for us all to look back on.
By this stage, most of our friends had young kids, and for many of them, it was the first time in years they’d been able to party without their children. It went off the charts.
I did feel differently after getting married. I felt fully grown up, and I could stop using the term “girlfriend” for the mother of my kids.
The great thing about these days is, you can pick and choose which traditions you keep and lose. My wife had always liked the idea of a hyphenated name until she met me — Simon Banks. Her name was Sally River. Sally River-Banks felt too ridiculous, so she decided to take my name!
