- In the past few years, I’ve attended at least nine weddings without giving a single gift.
- I typically have to travel great distances to attend my friends’ weddings, which can get expensive.
- None of my friends have brought up not receiving a wedding gift from me.
My 20s and 30s have been riddled with invitations — weekends booked with bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and weddings that stretch from one coast to the other.
Like many young people, I followed all the unspoken rules: show up, look good, and don’t forget the gift. I felt obligated and, to be honest, wanted to give the impression that I, too, “had it all together.”
Weddings are treated as a grand rite of passage into adulthood, and buying a gift felt like a way to show I was on the same page.
But as the invitations kept coming, so did the reality check. I wanted to be present for my friends, but the cost of attending, participating when asked, and buying a gift for weddings just wasn’t compatible with my own lifestyle goals.
So rather than resent my loved ones for the monetary burden, I opted out: no more wedding gifts. In the last six years, I’ve attended at least nine weddings without giving a single gift — and I have no regrets.
In my mind, the act of giving gifts at a wedding is outdated
Bobby Twilley Jr/Getty Images
Wedding gifts were originally intended to help newlyweds establish their first adult household. It made sense for guests to chip in on matching dishes or a set of good knives, but let’s be real — times have changed.
Most of my partnered friends have built their homes and intertwined their lives long before saying, “I do.”
There’s also a broader cultural shift to consider. Millennials and Gen Z are facing a different economic reality than previous generations.
Student loans, stagnant wages, and rising costs of living have made it harder for many of us to achieve the financial stability our parents had by the same age.
And yet, many expectations on how we spend our money for and at weddings have persisted.
I’ve chosen to be present, instead of buying presents
Over the past six years, I’ve lived in three countries and five cities, including Washington, DC, Belgium, and now Mexico.
Even when I lived stateside, many celebrations required travel to nearby states or across the country. This demanded a lot of time, effort, and careful planning — not to mention money.
No matter the location, I made it a priority to commemorate my friends’ milestones with my presence. Together, we reminisced, laughed, and made new memories. In my opinion, no material gift could ever top that.
Gift or no gift, I know my friends still love me
None of my friends have ever mentioned not receiving a gift from me, so out of curiosity, I recently asked a few how they felt about it.
The consensus was that they hadn’t even noticed until I mentioned it. They were honored that I made the trip to celebrate with them and didn’t care that I showed up empty-handed.
In fact, one friend only realized I didn’t bring a gift because I wasn’t on her list for thank-you cards. When pressed about the lack of a gift, she reiterated she was not offended, especially because I’d traveled from Mexico to New York for her wedding.
My takeaway is that people who care the most just want you there, standing by their side or leading the charge onto the dance floor.
Of course, when I can’t attend, I will mark the occasion with a gift to share in their joy and demonstrate my support despite the distance.
I pride myself on being a good friend; however, I refuse to let societal pressure dictate that my love and friendship must come in the form of cash or a neatly wrapped box.
