- My son just graduated from high school and is heading to college.
- He’s making life-changing decisions, like what he wants to major in and where he wants to live.
- I’m excited for him, but it’s scary watching my kid make such huge decisions.
Dominic, my oldest son, is 17 years old. He recently graduated from high school, finishing his senior year a semester early. He also recently learned that his ACT score and GPA earned him a great scholarship offer at the University of Nevada — right here in our hometown.
We’re four kids into this parenting journey, and most of our parenting “firsts”— teething and ER visits and navigating the terrible twos and the even more terrible tween stage — have happened with Dom. He’s our “learner” kid, the one with whom we largely figured out how we navigate this whole parenting thing. And now, we’re learning again.
This time, it’s how to parent an almost college student poised to spread his wings and make his way into the world. Forget sleep training — this is one of the most unnerving things we’ve experienced as parents.
The stakes are so much higher as my son prepares for his future
I’ve always been open to letting my kids fail. But letting a little kid struggle as they learn how to tie their shoes, pour their own cereal, or ride a bike is one thing. Standing back as your almost-of-legal-age son makes decisions that could affect the rest of his life is something else entirely.
Dom is in the middle of making some big decisions. He wants to pursue an engineering degree in computer science, possibly with a minor in electrical engineering, so that he can make enough money to fund his love of backpacking, climbing, and generally being outdoors.
He’s thinking about living in the dorms, how to balance his job at a local hardware store with his classes, and whether he can make a semester abroad work with such a demanding major. Really, he’s making plans to go and grow up on us, and I’m as proud as I am stricken.
The stakes are so much higher now. The decisions he’ll be facing in the not-too-distant future have big implications. The idea of him living in a dorm — or, my goodness, halfway across the world — is equally thrilling and terrifying.
On the one hand, I think, “What an incredible opportunity!” On the other, I think, “He’s only a kid!”
I want my son to enjoy college, but I have to let go first
I think back to my own college experience and the questionable choices I made at times. I lived, I learned, and I have hilarious stories to tell. But picturing my son in those situations kicks my protective parenting instincts into overdrive. I want him to have funny stories that he can look back on in equal parts amusement and disbelief. But I also want to keep him safe and protected and home with me forever — even though I know that’s neither doable nor what’s best for him (or me, to be perfectly honest).
I keep coming back to the same thing: He’s a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. He’s serious, kind, and empathetic. He’s scarily driven when he’s focused on something. He repeats the advice we’ve given him time and time again: Do the right thing, even when it’s not the easy thing.
Wherever he’s living and whatever choices he’s making, all I can do is trust that the skills we’ve worked so hard to impart — resilience, work ethic, and a strong sense of who he is — are enough. When I think about it like that, all those big decisions he’s going to make don’t seem quite as scary.
