- I’m already getting sad that all of my kids will be out of high school in half a decade.
- I’m also excited about all the things I’ll have time to do when I’m an empty nester.
- I’m taking steps now — like building better friendships — to ensure I’m not lost when they leave.
I realized earlier this year that if everything goes according to plan, all four of my kids will be out of high school in just five years.
Even if they don’t move out of the house, then I’ll have a lot more free time. Right now, I’m still driving some of them around. They have school, practices, classes, and clubs. Our evenings and weekends often revolve around their plans and performances. I love being part of this whirlwind of activity.
But as I think about the fact that I’m close to an empty nest, I oscillate between being excited that I’ll have time to pursue other interests and being sad that I won’t be spending all that time with my favorite people in the world.
I’m trying to set myself up now so that when this stage is over, I won’t be a lonely, empty nester and feel left behind.
I’m working on other relationships
When it first hit me that I could have an empty nest in five years, I realized I’d need some friends. It’s going to be strange to go from a rowdy house that once held four noisy children to a quiet home with two middle-aged adults.
I made a conscious decision to strengthen my relationships with my friends about a year ago. I listed a handful of people whom I wanted to know better, and I’m trying to build those relationships. I meet up with them for dinner, drinks, or coffee. I text people when I’m thinking of them. I check up with friends after they return from a trip or something big happens.
These things don’t come naturally to me. I’d rather be in my PJs by 5:30 p.m. and curled up on the couch than go to dinner. But I never regret spending time with my friends. We have good, sometimes ridiculous, and sometimes important conversations. We’ve been friends since our kids were little, but now we have more time to invest in each other. It’s also been helpful to have other women in my life who are experiencing the same feelings I am.
I’m also making a deliberate effort to connect with my husband. As the kids have gotten older, we’ve taken some trips without them. We have date nights or try to do other activities together. Our kids have consumed a lot of our time these past two decades, and I want to make sure we still know each other when those kids move out.
I’m already planning the activities I want to try when the kids leave
I’ve wanted to volunteer at several places in my community over the years, but our family schedules haven’t allowed it. So, I’m looking forward to checking out those opportunities when my schedule opens up.
My husband and I also want to do a lot more traveling, which will be easier when we don’t have to consider school schedules. We already have a list of places across the globe that we dream of going. We’re already doing research and planning travel budgets, and it’s getting me excited about seeing the world.
I’m prioritizing exercise and my body
It’s a cruel irony that just when I get some extra time for hiking, travel, and other active things that I love, my body is beginning to slowly fall apart.
It’s nothing big — yet. But I have a funny twinge in my knee sometimes. I sneezed, and my back hurt for two days. Lots of small parts that I never thought about before hurt randomly now.
I’m exercising and trying to maintain the mobility I’m lucky enough to have. I’m doing cardio, and I’ve added weights to strengthen my bones and fight off osteoporosis. I want to climb mountains and walk city streets in far-flung places, so I need to keep my body working as well as I can.
It’s time to look inward
I’m also noticing that as my kids get older, I have more time to reflect on myself. It’s hard to wrestle with who you want to be at your core when you’re in the midst of diapers, spills, and messy faces. Now, I have time to think again.
I’m spending time meditating and focusing more on my spiritual life. I’m thinking about who I want to be as a person in the second half of my time on this planet.
I’m also thinking about career moves now that I can spend more time on my work. Do I need any coaching to advance? Is there somewhere I really want to work? Do I need more education or to make other changes?
I’m also staying open to the idea of therapy or counseling. This stage of life, when we say goodbye to our fledgling children, comes at the same time as a lot of other stressors. Lots of us worry about the next big thing on the horizon — like retirement.
I’m already feeling many emotions about this next chapter in our family. My husband came downstairs the other day to find me having a good cry because our son is graduating … in a year and a half.
I know planning for our empty nest doesn’t mean I won’t feel sad, nostalgic, or even lonely despite my best efforts. But I think this next phase will also be exciting and fulfilling as all of us in this family continue to grow.
