- My husband and I have moved six times in the last decade in search of a place that felt like home.
- We’ve struggled in our search and ultimately realized that a place alone can’t bring happiness.
- We’re ready to settle down, and thanks to some self-reflection, we think we’ve figured out how.
My husband and I have occupations that have allowed us the freedom to live anywhere we want within the United States, which has been a blessing and a curse.
With a penchant for adventure and the whole country at our fingertips, we’ve had a hard time choosing a single place to settle down.
Newly married and in our mid-20s, we left our shared hometown Atlanta, Georgia, and headed west for Denver in 2014.
We were hungry for change and eager to find a place that felt like a better fit for us than our home ever had.
Denver was great until the novelty wore off
When we first got to Denver, we loved it. We were obsessed with the beauty of the West and eager to drink in every new experience.
We were hiking, camping, and road-tripping as if we were the first people to ever discover mountains. We’d never felt more alive and free.
However, after over a year of non-stop adventure, the novelty began to fade, and we were surprised to find ourselves longing for the same home we’d been keen to leave before.
Giving in to the pull, we moved back to Atlanta in 2016— a U-turn that would start a trend.
We regretted our choice almost immediately. Desperate for the freedom we’d felt in Denver, we moved back as soon as possible (in 2017, less than a year later).
Becoming parents made finding the perfect home feel even more crucial
Kristen Bringe
Shortly after returning to Denver, we had our daughter, which raised the stakes in our search for place perfection. We wanted to give her a great life and thought finding an ideal place to do so was essential.
We fantasized about raising her in an idyllic setting in the mountains, but our eyes were bigger than our budget, so we settled for what we hoped would be the next best thing — a small city in a mountainous state.
From Denver, we moved to Fort Collins, Colorado, in 2019 (which didn’t fit the bill), then to Bend, Oregon, in 2020 (same), and then back to Fort Collins in 2021 (whoops).
Our third move back to a place we didn’t love the first time was a wake-up call and a catalyst for introspection.
My husband and I have since discovered that a) we both have ADHD, which means we crave change and forget our lessons easily, b) we’ve put too much pressure on finding the perfect setting for our daughter’s childhood, and c) a place alone can’t provide lasting contentment.
A new place can bring novelty only for a little bit. And though it’s natural to feel a nostalgic pull toward a place you’ve lived before, going “back home” feels different than expected.
You change with every move, and the people and places you left behind do, too.
We’ve found clarity and are ready to settle down
Thanks to therapy and personal development work, my husband and I have found the healing and contentment in ourselves that we always hoped to find in a place.
We also know we can give our daughter a loving, supportive childhood wherever we are — our presence matters more than our location.
Unfortunately, despite our new understanding, we’re facing the reality that our current town doesn’t meet our needs logistically.
After years of trying to make Fort Collins work (out of stubbornness and exhaustion), we’re planning another move. The next place meets our minimum requirements for schools, employment opportunities, culture, and recreation.
And most importantly, it’s near close friends. Where natural beauty used to be our top priority, community has taken its place.
We need a village, and we think we’ve found one.
We’re explorers at our core, so we may never be people who live somewhere forever, but we think we’ve figured out the right fit for this season of our lives.
