In the five years our twin boys have been on this planet, they’ve hardly ever spent any time apart. They’ve shared a bedroom since birth, have the same friends, and up until school, did everything together, seven days a week.
But then the time came to apply for schools and to make the big decision about whether to continue this togetherness — or to separate them for the first time in their lives by putting them in separate classes.
We made the final decision when we were having lunch as a family one day. We were practicing simple math, and one of the boys kept answering for his twin brother. It’s completely normal for one twin to be more dominant and competitive, and this wasn’t the first time we’d seen this happen. But this moment felt like the last piece of evidence my husband and I needed to confirm that putting the boys in different classes at school would be the right thing for them both.
One twin didn’t want to be away from his brother
Making this decision felt like a huge weight off our minds. As well as coping with our own conflicting feelings, we’d also had many people asking what “our plan for the twins” was, and it felt good to finally have a concrete answer.
Making the decision on two classes had been made harder by the fact that when we asked the kids what they’d prefer, one said he’d like to be with his brother, while the other said he didn’t.
Of course, this was predictable given they have opposing opinions on most things in life at the moment. But it was also quite a difficult conversation to have with them because we were already 99% sure they would be going into separate classes.
The question was posed in a wider conversation about starting school, what it would be like and who would be with them. We already knew the answer each twin would give, and as we expected, the twin who said he wanted to be in the same class as his brother is the one who can’t get a word in edgeways sometimes. But he needs his own space to grow.
We got support from everyone around us
Life as twin parents can be exhausting and frustrating. Someone always needs something, is asking us questions or wants a snack. But, while it can sometimes be overwhelming for us, it must also feel intense for the boys themselves. While they don’t often verbalize it, I think sometimes they must really crave solo time.
All of our friends and family agreed that separating the boys sounded like the right decision, which was reassuring.
I hate it when people ask if we’re “splitting them up” though. It makes it sound like we’re ending a relationship and forcing them apart. We have their best interests at heart and want them to be happy and thrive.
Our twins are non-identical — so they’re just brothers born on the same day, one minute apart. Like all siblings, they have very different personalities, interests, and strengths. So far, school has proved to be a great place for them to develop these without being compared to each other.
Now that they have a term of school under their belts, we do no doubt that this was the right decision for our boys. They’re creating bonds with their teachers and peers and gaining more independence daily.
But the biggest positive we’ve seen is how strong the bond between them has become. I’ve never seen them hug each other so much, and I love eavesdropping on their chats about what they’ve done that day. I know there will be challenges along the way, but I feel reassured that we’ve got their school days off to the best start possible.
