As I walked through the Julia Child kitchen exhibit at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History, I felt like I was experiencing the moment I had seen in the movie “Julie and Julia,” when the main character, Julie, took a photo in the museum with a stick of butter.
Fourteen years later, I stood in the same spot right beside the famous portrait of Julia Child. I could not believe my dream came true, and I asked myself a question that made me sad,” Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
I felt free and proud, yet sad, on my first solo trip.
I was eager to share my excitement and the moments I’d only dreamed of with my sons, who were in college at the time. It was bittersweet because I should have been sharing these moments with my sons and seeing their eyes light up as they saw C-3PO from “Return of the Jedi” or Prince’s Yellow Cloud Guitar, also on display.
Instead, I was exploring the world of Smithsonian museums alone. While I strolled the halls, I watched parents and kids in the gift shops together buying different trinkets to remind them of their time together. Yet, here I was finally traveling, just me, my phone, and my suitcase.
After my day at the museum, exhausted from the long walks and metro rides, I looked through the dozens of photos I’d taken and realized again that the two most important people weren’t there with me. I took my very first vacation to the capital of America without my sons, and that hurt.
I dreamed of travel, but never made it happen
The idea of taking vacations with kids, seeing new cities, and visiting the East and West coasts was always on my dream board. But vacations always seemed expensive, and I know that taking little kids on trips wasn’t always as enjoyable in practice as it was in theory.
Instead, we stuck to local fun, like long drives to the beach. In my mind, I always believed there would be another summer when we could go on vacation as a family. I planned for it, too, looking through travel magazines in the bookstore and hoping that one day we would take adventures together.
Courtesy of Tatyana Gann.
Life threw us some curveballs
Over the years, the dream board had to evolve. My divorce changed everything in my life and the lives of my kids. Vacations weren’t my priority when I had to learn to survive and face life’s trials during and after the divorce. I craved stability, not vacation time. That is what I told myself. I believed that when things settled, we could travel.
Divorce changed me as a mother. I took on different roles in the household to make sure my kids had what they needed for school and their future careers. Looking back, I now see that I left out one of the most important aspects of their childhood — traveling and seeing new cities, dipping toes into the sand at different beaches, and exploring the world together. I postponed the vacations till they got older, and I postponed the joy.
Courtesy of Tatyana Gann.
My kids eventually grew up, graduated high school, and went to college. They became independent, wanted to spend time with their friends, and no longer needed me in the same ways they once did. The survival mode we lived in consumed me, and the joy of planning and taking a summer vacation with kids never had a chance. Looking back, I know that’s not something I can get back.
I’m finally doing it
As I embraced being an empty nester, a friend in DC called me and said, “Why don’t you travel? Come to DC and see all the art you want here.”
That is when I decided to permit myself to start a new chapter. My life was not over just because my kids grew up and moved out, or because my marriage or other relationships ended. I booked my trip and started planning. And this time, I went.
Since then, I’ve taken more trips to DC and Chicago, I visited beautiful cities on Lake Michigan and Lake Geneva, and created moments just for myself without waiting for the perfect companion or perfect timing.
At 51, I pack my own suitcases and enjoy my company at home and in new places. And now, I’m even planning future travel with my sons. I know I can’t change the past, but I can commit to changing the future.
