This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Ellie Kemper, who is in partnership with Pirate’s Booty. It has been edited for length and clarity.
It’s July, but I’m realizing there’s still a lot of summer left. Sometimes I’m like, “How many months until school starts?” There are still a lot of days to fill with my kids, who are 6 and 9. I’m trying very hard to keep them off screens as much as possible this summer, because it’s very easy to slip into that.
Recently, we visited family in St. Louis, where I’m from. My parents and my brother still live there, and my kids had so much fun playing with their cousins. I loved growing up in St. Louis and spent a lot of time swimming, so I did the same with my kids. Wherever there’s a pool, we get in as quickly as possible.
My kids and I both need unstructured time
Having the gift of time is critical for any artist or creative. You need space and time to just think and imagine. That feels harder to come by once you’re a parent, and time is more limited. Still, it’s important to prioritize.
I like giving the kids plenty of unstructured time. Maybe I say that because I haven’t signed them up for too many activities this summer. But I think having unstructured time can be very good for kids.
I partnered with Pirate’s Booty this summer on Captain Bob’s Summer Quest — a collection of imaginative play ideas that are really easy to pull off. Those are the best kind of activities: ones where I can sort of set the kids up, and they can take it from there.
Imagination helps me connect with my kids
Having activities that the kids can do on their own is great, because I don’t want to play all day, every day. But in small doses, I find playing imaginative games really relaxing. It allows you to enter the world of childhood again.
I’m grateful that play is part of my job. I get to dress up and do all these imaginative things in real life. It doesn’t make me a better parent, necessarily, but it allows me to connect more easily with my kids. I’m used to using my imagination, so I can meet them in the worlds they’ve created.
Sometimes, I need to laugh at myself
Before I became a parent, I didn’t have the skill set to pause and calm down before reacting. As a parent, that’s essential. You can’t act on whatever’s happening at the moment, when someone’s having a tantrum, and someone’s whining. First, you have to get calm.
Doing that allows you to react to the ridiculousness of the situation, or even the overreaction of a kid or parent. I think that really helps. My husband is really funny, and we make each other laugh. The ability to laugh at ourselves has come in handy a lot.
For me, success means doing work that is satisfying, having good relationships with friends and family, and feeling a sense of purpose. I talk about those things with my kids — though not in such lofty terms. Instead of praising them for the end result of something they’re doing, I praise the effort and the process — because those create a sense of purpose.
