I grew up in the 1980s and early ’90s, when Esprit’s bright colors and bold lettering made the brand instantly recognizable. Growing up as a girl can be hard, and wearing the right thing mattered.
When a friend told me Costco was selling Esprit sweatshirts, I knew I had to get one. I looked online. Sold out. I rarely go to Costco because I can never buy just one thing, but I made an exception. I took my 10-year-old son with me that evening. By the time we got there, Costco had already sold out of the multi-colored sweatshirts, so I picked out a blue one instead.
I have plenty of sweatshirts. I didn’t need another one. But I bought it anyway and wore it home over my shirt in the middle of summer.
When I walked in, my husband looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “What are you wearing?” he asked. My kids weren’t much better. They all pronounced it “e-SPIR-it,” and I had to explain: it’s “es-PREE.”
None of them understood why I was so excited about a $16.99 sweatshirt.
A version of myself I’d forgotten
Looking at the Esprit logo didn’t just bring back memories of the clothes I used to wear. It brought back a version of myself who still had her whole life ahead of her. I didn’t know what career I’d choose, where I would go to college, who I would end up with, where I would live, or if I’d even have kids.
Courtesy of the author
I remember my biggest worries back then were what I’d wear to school, who I would sit with at lunch, my next test, and whether kids still liked me. I remember being young, with so much of my life still ahead of me.
I’m proud of everything that’s happened since. My experiences have made me who I am today. But becoming everything other people need can make it easy to lose touch with who you were before those roles existed.
Being a mom, I am constantly needed. There are meals to plan, appointments to schedule, rides to give, and problems to solve. Add in work deadlines and the daily grind, sometimes I move from task to task on autopilot, without pausing to appreciate the present.
Somewhere along the way, earlier versions of ourselves start to feel distant. Buying that sweatshirt reminded me that the girl I used to be was not gone. She had grown up.
Nostalgia helped me appreciate who I am now
Reconnecting with the past doesn’t mean wishing you could return to it. Sometimes it just helps you see how far you’ve come.
Looking through old photos and finding a picture of me in a pink-and-white striped Esprit shirt, I wonder what that version of me would think of the life I’ve built. And I thought of her too. I wanted to tell her that things will be OK.
That girl, with the perm and the awkward smile, became the person I am today. Her curiosity, hopes, and insecurities did not disappear. They evolved.
When I put on the Esprit sweatshirt, I feel like a kid again. I still like playing the piano, making crafts, and singing in the shower, just like the younger version of me. It’s a reminder that I should do those things more often.
Same person, different chapter
But I’m grateful for who I have become, too. I now know things my younger self couldn’t have. Adulthood can be difficult and wonderful at the same time. Identities can evolve without replacing one another.
I may be older now, with some wrinkles and grey hair, but those experiences have made me who I am today. I no longer wear jelly bracelets or listen to a Walkman playing tapes I made off the radio. But I’m still the same Jenny.
I wear the sweatshirt around the house, to run errands, and go to the gym. It’s a reminder that I can still be a new, improved version of myself.
To anyone else, the Esprit sweatshirt is just another Costco purchase. To me, it’s proof that becoming who we are doesn’t require forgetting who we used to be.
Thank you, Costco. It’s a small thing, buying a sweatshirt. But it reminded me that reconnecting with the past doesn’t take anything away from the present. If anything, it makes you appreciate it more.
