Travel has a way of exposing the tiny negotiations that make up a relationship. Where should we eat? Beach or mountains? Spa or hike? Early morning or sleep in?
My husband and I have similar travel styles in a lot of ways. We both love wandering through new towns and staying somewhere that feels special rather than generic. But when it comes to how we actually want to spend our days, we’re complete opposites.
He’s happiest when he’s climbing a mountain or squeezing in one more hike before sunset. I can appreciate a beautiful trail, but my idea of a perfect vacation usually includes a good book, a spa appointment, and no place I have to be.
For years, I assumed one of us had to compromise. Then, during a recent trip to Lake Tahoe, we tried something different.
Instead of trying to find activities we’d both enjoy equally, we intentionally planned parts of the trip apart. It ended up being one of the best decisions we made.
We stopped treating every vacation activity like a team sport
Lexi Marshall
We booked a room at Desolation Hotel, an eco-conscious micro-resort tucked into the heart of South Lake Tahoe.
Despite being just steps from restaurants, shops, and the Heavenly Gondola, it felt like a quiet retreat, making it easy to slow down and enjoy the soaking tub on the private balcony.
One afternoon, instead of debating whether to book a massage or tackle another trail, we each chose exactly what we desired. I caught a ride from the hotel and headed to Tahoe Beach Club for a massage while my husband set off for an afternoon outdoors.
For a few hours, we each had the vacation we actually wanted.
When we reunited later that afternoon, something unexpected happened: We had stories to tell each other. Instead of saying, “Remember when we…” all day, we swapped experiences.
He showed me photos of sweeping lake views and told me about spotting wildlife, while I described the tranquil treatment room, the sound of the water outside, and how relaxed I felt afterward.
A little time apart gave us something new to bring back into the relationship.
Spending time apart made our time together feel more intentional
The next morning, I woke up feeling surprisingly energized after my itinerary of solitude.
Instead of lingering in bed, I headed to the hotel’s completely aesthetic gym for a workout (and even threw in a sauna sesh) while my husband enjoyed a slower start to the day, sleeping in.
It wasn’t a grand gesture, but it reinforced that we didn’t have to follow the same schedule to enjoy the same vacation.
Later that morning, we met up and hiked to Eagle Lake, a turquoise alpine oasis tucked into the Desolation Wilderness. The moderate trail climbed past Eagle Falls before opening up to still water framed by granite peaks and towering pines. It was exactly the kind of hike we both could appreciate: enough adventure for my husband, plenty of beautiful scenery for me.
Come evening, we boarded a sunset boat tour of Emerald Bay. Cruising across the impossibly blue water as the sun dipped lower in the sky, we admired the cliffs and forested shorelines.
After carving out space for our individual interests, sharing one of Lake Tahoe’s most iconic experiences together felt even more meaningful.
The rest of the trip felt lighter. We wandered downtown, ducking into local shops and taking our time without an agenda. Dinner at the hotel’s on-site Maggie’s restaurant turned into one of those meals that stretches well past dessert because you’re simply enjoying the conversation.
On our final morning, we had brunch at Edgewood Tahoe Resort and wandered down to the resort’s waterfront beach. Sitting by the lake and watching paddleboarders glide across the crystal-clear water, I realized neither of us was wishing we’d spent the previous days differently. We were simply enjoying being there together.
In everyday life, couples naturally separate for work, hobbies, workouts, or time with friends. Yet on vacation, there’s often an unspoken expectation that every experience should be shared.
That pressure can turn even small decisions into unnecessary compromises. By giving each other permission to spend a few hours apart, we removed that tension entirely.
We’ll be planning future trips this way
Lexi Marshall
Our time apart didn’t make the vacation feel less romantic. If anything, it made it better.
We both returned feeling fulfilled rather than resentful that we’d sacrificed something we’d been excited about, which made the time we spent together afterward feel more present and connected.
I still want shared experiences when we travel. Some of my favorite memories are the ones we’ve created side by side. But I’ve stopped believing that togetherness has to look like doing everything together.
Sometimes the healthiest compromise isn’t meeting in the middle at all. It’s trusting your partner enough to let them spend an afternoon — or even a morning — exactly where they want to be, while you do the same.
In the end, we didn’t come home talking about the hours we spent apart. We came home talking about how surprisingly close we felt because of them.
