I’m exhausted by my children who constantly need my full attention.
My full attention watching a monster truck do the same flip 20 times over a cardboard box. My full attention watching the 15th cartwheel or the third puppet show in the last five minutes. I’m exhausted by these children who need me to get them another snack because they didn’t like the first one. Who need me to help them burn off energy so they’ll finally fall asleep. Who need me to sit beside them through a bedtime routine they’re fighting because of nightmares.
When my daughter was 5 years old, she asked me to have a tea party with her. I was running around trying to get some work done on a deadline, so I told her I didn’t have time.
I can still see the disappointed look on her face.
Time with kids is fleeting
Some days, I feel like I’m hitting the mark of what it means to be a good dad. Other days, like that tea party day, not so much. These moments of parenthood are undeniably fleeting. There are days when I look at my kids and think about how many times I was busy and missed the little things.
Sometimes I enter a mental spiral of everything I’ve done wrong, and feel the guilt crushing me. When my daughter asked me to join her tea party, should I have stopped what I was doing, called off work, and joined in? Of course, the answer depends on so many things — if I’m under a deadline at work, if she can wait until later that day, if this is the first tea party I’ve said no to this week or the 10th.
When I finally take a break, I feel guilty, like I’m selfish for not having infinite reserves of patience and energy. But the guilt dissipates as I realize I’m allowed to feel exhausted by being needed so completely. I’m allowed to want a breather without it diminishing my love for my kids. And what a privilege it is to be needed in this way. They are my everything. And, sometimes, they just need to go to sleep.
If my standard as a good dad is being present in my kids’ lives, there are going to be days when I don’t meet that standard. And it’s true for us all. No matter how much we try to do the right thing, there are times we are going to fall short—at least to our standards. We’re never going to measure up. Why? Because we’re good fathers.
Dads need rest, too
I played golf when I was a teenager, and one summer, I spent countless hours practicing for a tournament. On tournament day, I was burned out. My mental mistakes stacked up, and frustration consumed me. My coach pulled me aside afterward and said, “Take some time off. Practice, but don’t overdo it.”
I took his advice, and a week later, I won my first tournament of the season. The difference wasn’t skill; it was rest and self-awareness. Golf is hard, just like parenting. Even the professionals make rookie mistakes. But bad games don’t make bad golfers, and bad days don’t make bad parents.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and your love for your children isn’t measured by how perfect you are on the hardest days. It’s measured by showing up, resting when you need to, and coming back ready to try again.
Guilt is a sign of a good parent
Sure, there are going to be those moments when we say, “I messed up. I need to do better.” There are days when we’re distracted or stressed — we’re all humans with responsibilities — and even though we would like to enjoy a never-ending bliss of tea parties, it isn’t realistic. Moments will come and go, and there’s nothing we can do about it. We snatch at them as they whoosh by, hoping to grab as many good ones as we can.
If you feel guilty in some of these situations, you need to hear that it’s actually because you’re a good parent. Bad parents don’t feel guilty about this. Bad parents don’t put their kids first. Bad parents don’t wonder whether they’re doing a good job or how they could improve.
You’re not a bad parent. You’re not a bad father. This is the measure of a good dad.
Excerpt adapted from “The Tired Dad. 100 Reflections on Showing Up for What Matters Most.” Copyright © 2026 by Jon Gustin. Excerpted by permission of Convergent Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Founder of The Tired Dad and podcast host, Jon Gustin can be found online at @thetireddad.
