About 15 months ago, I had my second child. In the lead-up to the birth, chaotic, sleep-deprived memories of life with a newborn came flooding back. My partner and I knew exactly what was coming our way this time, and we wanted to be prepared.
To try to make the transition to a two-child life easier, we decided to teach our daughter to be more independent before the new baby arrived. We hoped that this would help when my partner went back to work, and I would often be splitting my attention between a newborn baby and a preschooler.
We taught her how to get dressed
My daughter was almost 4 when her brother was born, and she’s always been a confident and capable child. We decided to use this to our advantage, knowing that she was both physically able and emotionally more equipped to understand why the baby might take up more of our time.
So we got to work, tackling one thing at a time.
First, we taught her how to dress herself in the mornings. We patiently watched (and winced) as she learned to pull on leggings, navigate her way through the sleeves and neckholes of sweaters, until she was even an expert at slipping on her own tights. Soon she was putting together her outfits each morning, which helped no end when I was tackling a screaming newborn into the stroller for the day care run.
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Brushing her own teeth came next; she learned to steady her hand, squeezing the toothpaste onto the brush and rinsing it after each go. Not long afterward, I wasn’t allowed to brush her hair anymore. Instead, she would stand in front of the mirror in my bedroom, painstakingly dragging the brush through her tangled nest of hair after an action-filled day at preschool.
She became more independent
As the months went by, she became increasingly independent. If she was thirsty, she’d grab a glass from the kitchen drawer and fill it up with water, often dragging a dining chair across the floor behind her to make sure she could reach the sink. If she was hungry, she’d get a bowl and make herself a snack.
We soon realized that being more independent was helping our daughter just as much as it was helping us. Learning new skills and tackling new tasks boosted her confidence. She became even more sociable than before, effortlessly making friends in the playground and not batting an eyelid at being dropped off at a new activity club.
Another unexpected benefit is that because she’s able to do so many things herself, she has very rarely gotten frustrated with her brother. And whilst I see the occasional flicker of annoyance in her eyes when he messes up her toys or rips one of her drawings, she never takes it out on him.
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We’re very invested in our daughter. We play games, read books, and are always thinking of fun and educational activities to do with her. But she’s also happy drawing, making up games, and watching television by herself. She doesn’t need us by her side every minute of the day.
She’s confident at 5
My daughter is now 5 and in her first year of elementary school. She carries her own backpack to school, which a lot of older kids don’t even do.
At the classroom door each morning, so many parents hover around the teacher, their kids clinging to their legs, being gently coerced to go inside. We give our daughter a big hug, then step back at the gate to watch her walk into her classroom independently and confidently.
I shed a tear thinking that one day she will leave home for university or for her first job. But if she carries on at this rate, she’ll be more than ready to face the big bad world when the time comes. Her skills, confidence, and emotional resilience mean that she’s not scared to face challenges.
