When my oldest daughter turned 10, many of her friends were already getting phones. At the time, I was working as a middle school teacher, and I had a front-row seat to what constant screen time was doing to my students. I saw rising anxiety, shortened attention spans, and social dynamics that played out more online than in real life. It made me pause.
My husband and I weren’t against technology, but we knew we didn’t want to rush into it. Instead, we decided to introduce it carefully and on our terms.
Before our daughter got a phone, we created a simple contract for her to sign, and when our son reached the same age two years later, we followed the same approach. They’re now teenagers, and that contract still works.
The contract introduced phone expectations early on
On their 10th birthday, each of our children received their first phone. From the outset, they knew it came with expectations, and everything was laid out in a simple contract that they had to read, agree to, and sign.
The contract was simple and included rules that many families struggle to enforce consistently: phones don’t go into bedrooms (unless it’s FaceTime and the door stays open), devices are taken away between 8 and 9 p.m., and social media is limited until they’re older. There are occasional exceptions for travel, sleepovers, or special events, but the structure has stayed the same for years.
What surprised me most was that the contract didn’t just control screen time; it removed the daily arguments. The expectations were clear from the beginning, and because the kids signed it themselves, it felt less like punishment and more like an agreement. Now that they’re teens, we still follow the same framework.
How framing the phone as a ‘rental’ changed our kids’ mindset
Although we gave our children phones as gifts, we were clear about one thing: the phones were rentals. It belonged to my husband and me, not to them.
My husband and I agreed we would always have full access to the phones. We didn’t want any confusion about ownership, and more importantly, we wanted to protect our kids as they began navigating the online world. Setting that expectation early helped us avoid arguments later.
Courtesy of Naomi Tsvirko
When my daughter or son challenges me about access to their phone, I simply pause and remind them of the contract terms.
“Who does the phone belong to?” I ask, and they often fall silent, knowing I will follow through on taking away the privilege of a phone at any point.
Our children are surprisingly grateful not to have phones in their bedrooms
It’s not often that our kids admit we’re doing something right in real time, but this is one thing they both appreciate.
When my daughter came back from a sports camp, she told me she hadn’t slept well because her phone was in her room. Even though she wasn’t using it, she said its presence made it harder to relax.
My son has never asked to keep his phone overnight and values the structure around protecting sleep, especially since he plays travel ice hockey and is often exhausted after practice.
How the system evolved as our kids became teenagers
Like most parenting moments, curveballs are expected, so as my kids got older and we got busier, we became more relaxed about how long they could FaceTime their friends (especially during the pandemic and occasional later nights).
One change that made a big difference was introducing a lockbox. Instead of taking phones away each night, we lock them up. It removes the need for negotiation and helps everyone switch off.
In the morning, the phones stay locked away until basic routines are done, their beds made, breakfast eaten, and chores are complete. Then I unlock the box.
Becoming a low-screen family takes a lot of effort, but it’s worth it
We know no system is perfect, but parenting in the modern world of phones means we are doing our best, knowing that there are so many variables in how our children grow up.
We’re not a no-screen family, but we are intentional about being a low-screen one. We understand the benefits of technology, but we’re also realistic about the downsides.
The contract gives our kids freedom within clear boundaries, like a river that stays on course. And years later, that balance still holds.
