My Autistic Daughter Is on Reality TV

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Christine Romeo, mother of “Love on the Spectrum” star Abbey Romeo. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Sometimes I look at pictures of my daughter Abbey when she was 3 or 4. She was just so, so cute. But I think — was I present for that? Did I enjoy that time, or was I too obsessed with therapies and my worries about her future?

It’s normal for anyone, especially parents, to fret about the future, but for parents of kids with disabilities, those worries can be overwhelming.

Abbey is now 27. When she was diagnosed with autism 25 years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that Abbey would be running two small businesses or appearing on reality TV. But along the way, we both learned to think outside the box, and that’s helped Abbey grow so much.

I put Abbey in a vocational program in 8th grade

Abbey went to one of the best schools for autism. She had moderate setbacks, but her curriculum was still focused on academics. She was learning what typical kids were, like tectonic plates and world history, just at a slower pace.

I could see that wasn’t what she needed. It’s not helpful to learn Western Civilization if you can’t remember what you did yesterday. I would rather Abbey focus on life skills that could help her cope with her autism, like visual clues to help her access her short-term memory.

When Abbey was in eighth grade, I switched her to a vocational program that focused on job and life skills. I had to set my ego aside and do what was right for Abbey. She didn’t need a high school diploma — she needed skills to help her live her life.

I realized as a parent you don’t get to order who your child is

There were moments throughout Abbey’s schooling when I knew I had made the right decision. One time, the teacher sent me a picture of Abbey rewiring a light. I was blown away.

Another was when I came in to see Abbey weaving in the textile program. She was operating this big machine with foot pedals and a large swatch of fabric, and it was regulating her. I had to leave the room, because I was crying.

With Abbey and her brother, who’s a year younger, I realized that as a parent, you don’t always get what you order. I’m determined to help both of them be who they are and be as successful as they’re meant to be.

Entrepreneurs inspired me to not take no for an answer

Abbey excelled at weaving, and I realized selling her creations could be a job. I believe it’s important for everyone to have a sense of purpose, and Abbey had expressed that she wanted a “real job.”

I spoke with her school about creating a program to allow kids to sell their art and crafts. The teacher loved the idea, but the principal didn’t. When he said no, I thought about one of my favorite shows, Shark Tank, and how entrepreneurs don’t take no for an answer. I was determined to find a solution for Abbey, even when the system said there wasn’t one.

The teacher ended up coming to our home on Saturdays to teach Abbey advanced weaving. Soon, her business, Hats by Abbey, was born. She also has another business shredding people’s paperwork, which they pay for by the bag.

Using cash helped Abbey learn about money

Today, Abbey has control over her days. She often makes hats from 9 to 12, then walks the dog before her voice lesson. She has the sense of purpose that we all need.

For a while, it was difficult for Abbey to connect with the idea of money. I found it helped when she could see cash. I started putting cash in her money box, and if she wanted to order something online, she had to give me the bills.

The first thing Abbey ordered with her profits was a $160 stuffed lion. It challenged every fiber of my being to let her order that, but she had earned the money, and she got to decide how to spend it. Seeing the glee on her face when she opened the box was worth every obstacle we’ve had to jump over.

Abbey continues to grow so much. I’ve created opportunities, and she’s taken them. It’s been the most beautiful, amazing experience.