How Our Blended Family’s Holiday Traditions Changed As Our Kids Grew up

Cookie baking, decorating, stuffing stockings, building a holiday village scene with Iron Man and Thor action figures — just like a huggable snowman discovered, everyone has traditions for that time of year.

We’re a blended family with kids ranging in age from 17 to mid-30s. As our kids have moved from being wide awake at 5:30 am to testing Santa to creating their own holiday magic as adults, our traditions have grown and changed with them. As a result, it’s all less stressful.

We’ve expanded the days of the holiday

Right around Thanksgiving, I am reminded that it’s not just wonderful, it’s also a wacky and wearisome time of the year.

I grew up in blended families. By middle school, both of my parents had remarried, doubling the number of families to see during the festive season. By the fifth stop on a whirlwind Christmas Day in high school, my brother and I were stuffed with cookies and even burned out on opening presents.

For most of our 20-year marriage, I’ve felt like I’m reliving those teenage years all over again as we try to squeeze in his family, my multiple families, and the kids’ other family commitments into two overstuffed days of festive cheer.

As the kids got older and added commitments to their significant others and time for their own families, we realized Christmas is too short. Two days were just not enough time to cram in all the festivities and have at least a little time left for our family.

So, some years, we celebrate what we call “Christmas Tweve,” the day before Christmas Eve. We spend most of the day hanging out, having a festive feast, and then opening gifts. Sometimes we have a houseful overnight, and everyone stays up late watching Christmas movies and eating my feeble attempts at pancake art for breakfast.

We have scaled back the decorations

We are down to two kids living at home, and the number of holiday decorations has reduced.

One year, we had multiple trees, each decorated in a different theme — a candy-themed 5-foot tree, a mini tree in the kids’ rooms, and a fancy ornament 7-foot tree.

There were two Christmas villages, one in the kitchen. The kitchen and living room looked like Christmas exploded in them. Every room had a few decorations — a tree, figurines, holiday towels, and a wreath on the door.

There was a time when seven of us were decorating. Now it’s down to four, and we’re focusing more on the nostalgic and sentimental decorations. Our tree is covered in ornaments from places we’ve traveled and the kids created.

I used to frame the sliding door in our kitchen with the kids’ artwork – cotton-ball snowmen, sparkly handprint reindeer, and a painted winter scene.

A few years ago, my youngest and I had a holiday moment of tension when I displayed elementary school artwork with their previous name. They’re nonbinary, and it bothered them seeing that name plastered all over the kitchen.

I got creative and modified my favorites — erasing letters, trimming corners, and folding back edges. Now I display favorites onl,y and it’s down to one wall shared with our Advent calendar.

Our Advent calendar changes along with our family

When the kids were younger, we had multiple Advent calendars — one with treats and one with toys. One year, it was Disney Tsum Tsums, there was “Star Wars” Lego, and then socks. A few years ago, no one was really interested, and we got one for the dog.

Now, our Advent calendar is a meaningful tradition. It’s the same one each year, and this year, my youngest helped shop for the candy, hopefully marking the start of a new tradition.

Our kids have started their own traditions

When she was in college, my stepdaughter started making an annual ornament with a silly picture of herself. The perfect gift on a tight budget — inexpensive and very meaningful.

Now she’s a mom, married, and decorating her own place. Every year, my husband, the two youngest kids, and I put all 11 ornaments she’s created on the tree — her with Chipotle burritos, in a snow globe, and with her son.

A few years ago, our oldest came to stay when his spouse was out of town. I put him and his two younger siblings in charge of the holiday village.

When I heard my youngest rummaging through their toys, I knew the holiday village was going to have a different vibe than it had in past years. Lego minifigs, Power Rangers, and assorted superheroes perched on festive rooftops and hid in the snow.

Every stage of our kids’ lives means something new. Sometimes it’s capped with a major milestone, such as a driver’s license, wedding, or graduation, as a reminder to stop and savor this time.

With the holidays, there wasn’t a big event to mentally prepare for the change. Gradually, things were different — gone were the days of classroom holiday party crafts and a big group decorating the tree. Now it’s crafts from doggy day care, Christmas Tweve, and Spider-Man in the village. And I love it.