I have lived most of my life in Minnesota, and, like any good Midwesterner, I planned to grow old in the state. I wanted to live close to my family and friends. I was ready to settle in and call Minneapolis home for the rest of my life.
I built a community I loved, and had my little routines down pat. I biked to sunrise yoga at Lake Harriet in the summer, grabbed countless loaves of sourdough from my favorite bakery across the street, and joined an adult swim team at my local community pool each week.
So when my boyfriend suggested that we move across the country, I surprised even myself by agreeing immediately. I love to travel, hike, and spend time outside, and we had friends on the West Coast, so we thought it would be a fun adventure. We both had fully remote jobs at the time, so we didn’t even need to think about finding work, which made the decision that much easier.
But after some painful months of struggling to feel at home and find community, I can laugh about how naive we were then because moving across the country is no joke.
I struggled to find community in Oregon
After six months as an Oregon resident, I began to question my decision to move across the country. Why would I move away from my family, friends, beloved bakery, and sunrise yoga?
Although we had friends in Oregon, it still proved harder than we thought to establish a genuine sense of community.
Courtesy of Stephanie Mork
We lived in an apartment in the suburbs of Portland that I hated, and I desperately missed my friends and my neighborhood in Minneapolis. We attended the events that we were invited to, but something just wasn’t clicking. I started to think something was wrong with me.
I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands, rather than relying on the people we already knew to fulfill that sense of community.
I pushed myself to an event and met a close friend
As a fully remote worker, it’s easy to feel isolated and even harder to meet people. So one rainy fall night, I decided to attend a networking event in Portland. On the drive into the city, the rain was coming down in sheets, and I kept thinking, “What the hell am I doing? Maybe this is a sign I shouldn’t go to this thing.”
I soldiered on and showed up a few minutes late, trying to calm my nerves with a drink while folks made introductions. When it came time to introduce myself, I said my piece, and another woman across the room said, “Looks like we have a few things in common, let’s chat later!”
It turns out that this woman would be one of my first friends in Oregon. This event made me believe all the wonderful things I had heard about Portlanders before I moved there. I felt the warmth and welcoming community that I had yet to experience in other spaces. It turns out that I just needed to find the right group of people.
With newfound confidence, I found my community
The first year I lived in Oregon shook my confidence. I didn’t feel accepted or worthy of friendship. I was ready to give up and just move back home.
However, that one networking event planted a seed of confidence that, just maybe, it was possible to grow and have a thriving community in Oregon.
After that event, I joined a hiking group, started taking French language classes at the local community college, and joined Bumble BFF. That event gave me the confidence to keep trying and putting myself out there, and while I don’t have a million friends, I have a few friendships that count.
My boyfriend and I (and our dog) left the suburbs and now we live in Portland. Living in the city has been the shift I needed to really love it here.
I’ve come to love Portland for its quirky charm, amazing food, endless coffee shops, and access to nature. I’m glad I stuck it out in the end.
