I live in the Hamptons year-round, and my children are growing up in a place often associated with wealth, status, and luxury. They see beautiful homes, boats in the harbor, expensive cars, and designer shops lining the streets.
My children have many luxuries surrounding them, but our family is not rich.
As a parent, I’m very conscious of teaching them that happiness does not come from expensive things, exclusive places, or what other families may have. I want them to know how to live with comparison without feeling ashamed of what they do not have or entitled to have.
Everything is expensive
Every day prices can make that lesson difficult. At Candy Kitchen in Bridgehampton, two eggs currently cost $10.95, and pancakes are $12.95. Elsewhere, a smoothie can cost more than $30 (including my favorite spot for that Mint Chip Smoothie in Sag Harbor). Even taking two children for ice cream adds up quickly once everyone chooses a cone and toppings (on average, it costs $28 for two frozen yogurt sundaes).
I don’t want my children to think these prices are standard, or that every trip outside the house should include an ice cream or a visit to the card shop. I will tell them in advance, “If you want candy or cards today, bring money from your piggy bank.” This gives them a choice while helping them understand that money is finite.
At the same time, I don’t believe that raising grounded children means never going out or enjoying what is around us. Alongside the designer stores are nostalgic places such as Kites of the Harbor and The Wharf Shop, where casually browsing the toy collection, sterling silver jewelry, and handmade home decor can feel like a part of childhood. It is important to experience these places and find a balance.
We talk openly about finances
We openly discuss savings and finances to a degree they can understand. I don’t burden them with adult worries, but I don’t pretend that everything is affordable. When they spend their own money, they look at prices differently. They weigh how much they want something and whether it is worth giving up something else later.
I try to show them that some of the best experiences here cost nothing. The library offers an abundance of free in-person and online classes, activities, tutoring resources, reading programs, children’s fairs, and museum passes. Their camp has family fun days, and their school holds heritage fairs. We go to the beach, spend time in nature, and watch the sailboats in the harbor, identifying the different types. I take them paddleboarding and crabbing, and bring them back to my roots growing up in North Haven.
Courtesy of the author
These activities help them see the Hamptons as a community and a home, not a backdrop for luxury. Interestingly, the area has a tremendous range of wealth. People from many different demographics live and work here, and my children’s friends come from families with varied financial circumstances. The wealthiest residents do not always flash designer brands. In those moments, we are reminded that possessions do not necessarily tell you who a person is.
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I’m teaching them skills
Resourcefulness is one of the most important things I can teach my children. We make homemade scrubs and find projects to do with what we already have. They learn practical skills: styling hair, sewing, building things, cooking, and fixing simple household problems. I have friends who are private chefs, and cooking with them shows my children that making something well is both creative and useful.
I also teach them to be organized and self-reliant at home, to know where their belongings are and take care of them, because things can pile up quickly.
I encourage my children to think about buying things that can generate income instead of things that will remain idle. I want them to ask: Can I make something with this? Can I use it to learn a skill? Could this help me earn money one day?
Courtesy of the author
Both of my children ice-skate and play tennis. I explain that those are not just hobbies. Skills can eventually become work. Someone who understands tennis may learn to string racquets or work at a tennis shop. A strong skater may become an instructor or an ice-skating attendant. They do not need to choose a career at this young age. However, I do want them to recognize that ability, reliability, and hard work do create options.
Most of all, I want my children to leave home believing they can take care of themselves. I want them to be practical, to work hard, and to have a skill set that sets them apart. I want them to appreciate what they receive without expecting anything.
The Hamptons will always give them opportunities to compare. My job as a parent is to give them something stronger to measure their lives by: what they can make, what they can contribute, how they treat people, and how much joy they can find in what is already around them.