I truly love having my young adult daughter visit home from college. The visits are precious moments and a new chapter in our lives. Yet, as much as I cherish my 20-year-old kid’s presence, I find myself quietly looking forward to when she returns to her student flat.
It’s not because I don’t miss her; I do. But I recognize how important it is for her to have her own space. Accepting this transition as a natural and beneficial stage in both our lives helps me stay optimistic and open-minded.
I value the house’s calm and quiet when she’s back at her student housing. I enjoy the temporary change in daily routine when she visits, but I also welcome the return to my usual rhythm once she’s back at college.
When she comes home, she enjoys the comfort of family routines
My daughter raids the fridge and freezer at home, and I indulge her by buying some favorite treats. Meals are planned, and I deliberately cook some of her favorite dishes.
I know she enjoys sitting down together at the dining table, which is in stark contrast to meals on her lap in her small student flat.
Cooking together is something we always did when she was growing up, and she has good cooking skills, unlike some of her flatmates. She cooks on a budget and eats well, and that’s good to see.
When she comes home, she is more aware of the cooking space and makes sure to leave it spotless, unlike in her teenage cooking days.
I’ve noticed how independent she has become
In her first year at college, my daughter lived on campus, and I watched her learn useful skills such as time management and budgeting. She met people from different backgrounds, made friends, and made her own decisions.
Watching her progress and seeing her confidence grow around people was noticeable, and that would not have been the same if she had lived at home and traveled an hour to college each day.
Courtesy of Mick Jensen
She now needs to pay bills, get her car serviced, and get on with flatmates. Some situations present challenges, but she works through them. She sometimes asks Dad for advice, which I love.
Our conversations tell me that she is working hard on her studies, coping with exam pressure, and enjoying the occasional party. She is living life, learning, and moving forward, which is exactly what I want for her.
I respect the independence my daughter is cultivating — managing her own space, making her own decisions, and growing into the person she’s becoming. I love getting glimpses of the new her every time she visits.
But I am changing too, and enjoying my newfound independence
I’m enjoying a new lifestyle as I prepare for retirement.
A quieter house means I can indulge a passion for reading. I also enjoy researching and planning hiking trips and weekends away. I can pump up the volume on my music without bothering others, and with no daughter at home, I am more flexible with meal times and can experiment with cooking.
While I see the changes and growth in her, she appreciates my new routine and outlook on life.
We’re both independent now. We don’t text or speak every day, and sometimes may go more than a week before checking in with each other. But that is OK because time apart remains important to us both.
I’m still there when she needs me, though. If she needed something from home in her first year on campus, I delivered it, and if she needed to come home, I picked her up.
Her visits home are moments that deepen our connection
Her time away fosters her self-reliance and problem-solving skills, and I find comfort in knowing that my support is there but not overwhelming.
While she builds her own life, I remain a steady source of encouragement and unconditional love. I’m also busy building my life without her.
My daughter continues to gain confidence and independence, and being in her own place is an essential part of her growth and our relationship.