At 50, My Adult Kids Live at Home; Had to Change Our Plans

The past 10 months have brought several milestones for our family.

My wife, Barb, and I both turned 50. Our oldest daughter finished her graduate coursework and started fieldwork, and our youngest son graduated from high school this spring.

For the first time, all four of our kids, ages 18 to 23, were either in college or preparing to start. Barb and I thought we had reached the point when we could exhale and look back on years of school, activities, and raising four kids into young adults.

We assumed our noisy, crowded house would soon become much quieter. Instead, a series of decisions and circumstances have kept three of our kids home, with our oldest son planning to return after graduation.

The empty nest we expected at 50 suddenly looks much further away.

All 4 of our kids have different reasons for living at home

Kevin Payne

Our youngest son was accepted to several colleges, but he chose the closest school and decided to commute. His dream career path requires a doctorate, so living at home will help him save money early in his education.

Meanwhile, our 21-year-old daughter is close to earning an associate degree from a local community college. She may eventually pursue a bachelor’s degree. Physical limitations prevent her from driving, so living at home currently works best for school and work.

Then there’s our 23-year-old daughter, who’s an occupational-therapy student. When the program switched to a hybrid format last year, she moved home and shared an Airbnb during the three weeks of in-person classes each semester.

Completing her required fieldwork here in Cleveland has given her access to its world-class hospitals and healthcare systems. Once she finishes, she may continue living at home while working and paying down her student loans.

Our oldest son is the only one who doesn’t live at home right now. He attends school out of state and will graduate with a bachelor’s degree in psychology this winter. Because he plans to pursue counseling, he’ll need an advanced degree and expects to move home for graduate school, either locally or online.

If he does, all six of us will live under the same roof for the first time in several years, with our kids back in their childhood bedrooms.

Our own long-term plans are still up in the air

Over the last few years, Barb and I have talked about retirement, downsizing, and increasing our investments. We’ve discussed whether to stay in Cleveland or move somewhere warmer.

Those conversations started before several of our kids made plans to live at home longer.

We still haven’t made firm plans because so much has depended on what our kids decide to do. When several planned to live at home longer than we expected, our own timeline adjusted.

We don’t blame them for changing that timeline. We’ve always wanted our kids to know they can live at home until they’re ready to move out, and we’d rather they make that decision when it makes sense than rush into it because of an arbitrary timeline.

We’ve decided to stop waiting for an empty nest to travel and try new things

Kevin Payne

When it became clear that our nest would remain pretty full for the time being, we realized we needed to separate the plans that require an empty house from those that don’t.

We love to travel, and our kids are mature enough to handle the house, care for our dog, and help each other while we’re away.

Because Barb teaches full time, we’re starting with weekend getaways during the school year and discussing longer trips for when her schedule allows.

Moving is still on the table, most likely after our youngest earns his bachelor’s degree and no longer needs to qualify for in-state tuition. I’ve started researching cities with warmer climates, lower costs of living, and access to a midsize or major airport.

I’m also exploring additional income streams that could give us more flexibility to retire early or relocate.

Although having adult kids at home has complicated some plans, it’s also been great. We actually have more family dinners now than when we did before they left for college.

Our kids have also become more open with us. Our oldest daughter recently leaned on us for support during a difficult time, something she may not have done a few years ago. We’ve learned to give them more space, trust their decisions, and treat them more like adults.

At first, we assumed that our kids would need to move out before we gained more freedom. Instead, we’re discovering that there’s so much we can enjoy while they’re still living at home.